Sounds most unusual to me.  Have you thought about bringing in an air conditioning technician?

My husband works shifts and often at night. He also kicks his legs in his sleep and I am a light sleeper.  He sleeps in a seperate bed right next to mine. I am hot at night so I leave a fan on and often crack a window. He can always put on an extra blanket. I think you and your husband should talk about ways that would make him more comfortable in the bedroom. (If it is a concern to you)

Not always.  Sometimes one of us has insomnia or just restless sleep so one of us goes to the guestroom or on the couch so the other can get a good night sleep.  And if one of us is sick, the healthy one sleeps far away from the sick one so they have a better chance of staying well.

I don't think it sounds unusual because some people are just warmer or colder than others. Or maybe he doesn't like having the dog in the bed.  My husband insists on having all 3 of our cats in bed with us and some nights all their purring and mouse chasing makes me super mad so I sleep in the other room.  To be perfectly honest, I really like my sleep and just prefer to sleep alone as having someone else there snoring, making noise, wiggling the bed, etc affects my sleep quality.

We still sleep together, but lately hubby has been hinting that we graduate from a full-size bed to a queen-size!

Ohh full sized bed... Yikes. We have a king and I cant imagine any other way. My Dear Husband is an night owl, and I crash around 10 pm so he does come to bed at some point and is always there in the morning.

We usually sleep together, although we're in the same boat as a lot of others...if we're sick or just can't fall asleep, one of us ends up on the couch.  When we worked different shifts, that was one of my biggest complaints! 

I agree...if you're missing sleeping with your DH, try getting a high-powered fan or A/C unit and make sure you have a big blanket!  :)

It's not common that someone sleeps on the couch all of the time as far as I know.  

There's some people who sleep in seperate beds or in seperate rooms but most probably sleep together.

 and then there's Lucy and Ricky and Rob and Laura .. but they were in seperate beds  because the censorship codes at the time prohibited showing people fully in the same bed with each other in movies and television.....

There is a trend is the real estate industry towards seperate masters. I consider this a form of suburban evolution. There are several reasons why the idea is popular. I'm not married but would go for it. I don't think sleeping in seperate rooms every night is a great thing but sometimes you just sleep better when alone.

I toss and turn all night and cannot imagine anyone being able to sleep through a night with me. I also wake up and turn on a small flashlight to read or write several times a night. If my spouse wanted a seperate room I would be okay with it. Sleep should be an undisturbed, natural process. Not a marital compromise.

Kinda. I am a night owl, he gets up at 4:30 a.m. or early to go to work. Most of the time, I haven't gone to bed by the time he wakes up. We sleep in one bed but not all THAT often together in it.

I have to work on going to bed earlier. :/

At one point, I slept on the couch for three months because I was suffering from severe vertigo and couldn't go up and down stairs and the bathroom was downstairs but that was an unusual situation. 

I know some spouses don't sleep in the same bed but I don't think it's usual that one sleeps on the couch all the time. But if it works for you and there's no underlying problems in the marriage, then I suppose it's your normal! We all have circumstances that may seem odd to the outside world that aren't odd to us.

I'm not married, but I've shared beds with my last two girlfriends, and I know that there are pros and cons re sleeping together.

I have been so used to sleeping alone that if I were to ever be in a relationship where I was living with a wife or committed girlfriend, I'd seriously consider separate beds, though not necessarily separate bedrooms (like my grandparents had).

I wouldn't worry about what anyone else does. If it suits ya'll, good deal. Now, if you would rather sleep with the hubby over the dog, then I'd say to address that. Relationships are complicated.

In the summer, my husband does sleep on the couch. The air conditioner is in there and our apartment doesn't have the kind of windows an air conditioner will go in to stick one in our bedroom. He has to have sleep because he has a set time he has to wake up. Before he got his CPAP mask and went on Mirapex, I suffered the horrendously loud snoring and kicking and did not banish him. He doesn't mind that I never turn the TV off at all, ever, or am in the bed with the laptop on at night either. I really think that would be a big dealbreaker for some.

onwaytozion, we slept in a full bed with a 55 lb dog that refused to get off at night for a very long time. Upgrading to a queen feels awesome!

My sister and her husband have *never* slept in the same bed together. I used to think it was weird and that it signaled a problem in their relationship, but they have their reasons. Pretty good reasons, so i wouldn't say it's weird to sleep separately.

Sometimes we do, but mostly no...my hubs has high skin temperature/blood pressure, add to that a 70 lb. *hot* pup, my sweats/hot flashes and completely opposite sleep schedules.  Sleeping together and getting a good night's rest is a disaster if we do that.

So we trade off the bed, if I'm already on it with the pup, hubs gets the couch.  If hubs is on the bed w/pup, I'm on the couch.  I'm taking new herbals for my night sweats/hot flashes and so far so good...just don't tell the hubs LOL.  I like it just the way it is, thanky.

I prefer, ultimately, to sleep alone.  I also prefer traveling alone, but with pup(s) in tow.  Hubs hates it when I talk about taking ol' Annie pup to the beach, just her & I ~ perhaps for her last time.  If I wait until xmas like we are planning, it may be too late for her.  And she loves the beach.  So maybe tomorrow lol. 

That's my "normal".  I would miss our pups IMMENSELY if they were not with me. 

Like rustaddsflavor said: it shouldn't be a marital compromise.

You shouldn't just sleep in the same bed after being single for so long because it's proper for that to happen, or expected, or whatever. Both times when my husband came home after Iraq, I went the couch route and came back in stages, to ease in to the sleeping with someone else routine. Sometimes it just doesn't work.

Well, I have only been married, for 6 months, so I'm not sure how much my imput will help. I think it is still unusual. I know plenty of married couples whose husbands sleep with them. The only time my husband sleeps on the couch is when we have an argument, or he stays up late to watch T.V.

It is not that unusual, Sherry.  My hubby and I sleep together, but he prefers a much cooler room (aka freezing room) than I do, so I have huge amounts of blankets on my side of the bed and he usually sleeps without blankets.  He does get his evening naps in his favorite chair, but I usually wake him to go to bed.  I know of alot of people that have separate beds, and rooms, mainly because they have different sleep patterns- some toss and turn, others are too hot or cold, snoring, etc.  Perhaps he is trying to make sure you get a good nights sleep, as well as himself, by sleeping on the couch.  It is possible that the mattress on your bed simply does not agree with him (too soft, too hard, etc.)

If it's too hot in the bedroom wouldn't it be about the same temp throughout the house? Maybe a fan on his side would help. Or else find a setting that both of you could adjust to.  

A LOT of people have a hard time sleeping with another person because of PLMD (periodic limb movement disorder) in which a person's muscles (usually in the legs) twitch rhythmically. It is similar to Restless Leg Syndrome, but this is when the person is asleep rather than awake. The movements might go on for hours every night, and the person who has it may be totally unaware of the problem. Both people tend to wake up tired--the person with PLMD often doesn't get appropriate REM sleep and the other person is usually jolted awake by the constant twitching. I wrote an article about it on Suite 101.

I will have to read that. The Mister went on Mirapex for what the doctors told him was Restless Leg Syndrome, but it happens when he is asleep, not awake. He did get no REM sleep and woke up with leg cramps so maybe it is actually called PLMD.

rustaddsflavor said…

If it's too hot in the bedroom wouldn't it be about the same temp throughout the house? Maybe a fan on his side would help. Or else find a setting that both of you could adjust to.  

---

I have two homes: one I spend weekdays at and a place in the mountains for weekends. The weekday house has a small bedroom and it can get mighty stuffy overnight with the windows closed. In the summer with everything closed up and the A/C turned on, the A/C seldom runs at night and the bedroom gets unbearably stuffy for me. The solution is to switch on the fan for the central air conditioning so that air circulates.

The place in the mountains has a much larger bedroom and we keep the door open (since the cats don't travel with us between houses). Plus, it's a couple degrees cooler in the mountains, so the whole house stays a little cooler. Therefore, this room doesn't get stuffy.

It's definitely possible for the bedroom to have a different temperature from the rest of the house, especially if it is small and you have to keep the door closed.

--Bob

We have one 850 SF home, with a backyard bigger than Dallas...I think I'll sleep in the yard tonight LOL. 

My husband mostly sleeps with unless he falls a sleep on the couch on floor in our livingroom in our small apartment and if I can't get him awake by the time I go to bed he stays there until he wakes up and comes to bed. So to me it is unusual for husbands to sleep in seperate bed/room all the time not just sometimes. But it is whatever works for you and your spouse.

Hubby and I have been married for 37 years, very happily I might add. About 5 years ago we decided to go the seperate bedroom route. We used to both be grumpy in the morning because we both snore rather loudly, hubby kicks and jerks in his sleep, he works all different shifts and just so many reasons. Finally one day we talked and thougtht we were just being ridiculous making each other miserable by trying to do the "normal" thing and sharing a bed. We "visit" each other very often, but we sleep so much better and wake up so much happier now that we each have our own room. I am constantly hot, he is constantly cold. Anyway, it has been the answer for an even happier marriage, I saw whatever makes both partners happy is the right thing to do.

yes... the only time we dont share the same bed is when one of is sick. its hard to sleep when youre not feeling well. so for respect of the well person we sleep in the guest room.

My husband and I sleep in the same bed, but we'd probably be happier if we had separate bedrooms, purely for space/snoring/temperature issues. 

I don't even notice my husband in the same bed. He has his side, I have mine. he is a quiet sleeper. I think I may toss and turn but he doesn't notice. A queen bed gives us the space we need when we want it. The only thing is that he is such a light sleeper that I feel bad if I wake up and leave the room or whatever because I wake him up.

That and I'm freezing in the winter and boiling in the summer and he is the same temperature all the time. I have tons of extra blankets for winter and he covers up in the summer while I blast the a/c.

Luckily, this only happens now and then because kisses me goodbye, goes to work, and I go to bed so our paths don't often cross unless we plan for them to.

Yes, we sleep in the same bed and at the same time, usually.  If one of us is especially restless, then I usually move to the couch.  (I'm retired and he is not, so I think he deserves a better chance at sleep.)  I like him 'over there', even if we're just sleeping!  And, after 38 years of marriage, it IS mostly just sleeping, but that's OK, too....heeheehee...

I tried to sleep in the same bed tonight, and again, my hot flashes and his body heat along with our pup Jack kept that from happening.  So here I am lol..posting about it. 

I took my herbals though and the "power surge" got zapped, quickly too I might add.  I think I just need to take more.  It can't hurt. 

Most the time I rather sleep on the couch. I like the tv on when i sleep and he doesn't. He also moves to much, were i dont move much at all.