Agreeing to Disagree

 
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Telpher San Francisco, CA posts: 110
2008 Advisor
posted on December 02, 2008 at 03:08PM Inappropriate? Quote Reply

I just received a comment on one of movie reviews where the person seemed to take great personal offense at my having the nerve to dislike a movie that he loved. His comment really bugged me because it seemed to say, "If you didn't like this, it must mean you don't get it." How condescending! Instead of making things personal and trying to school me on the elements of drama and fiction (two areas where, I assure you, I don't need schooling) this poster might have shown some emotional intelligence and been open to the idea that intelligent adults can and do disagree with one another, all the time. It keeps life interesting, IMO.

Have others received comments of this kind? I'm curious because I find that most posters here are really open to other people's opinions. In fact, I doubt a site such as this one would work if people were anything but open to the opinions of others.

2008 VIP
posted on December 02, 2008 at 03:20PM
 
Just realize that there are many opinions in the world and some come from very narrow minded individuals.  It seems that respect is becoming less and less in our society so try not to take offense and make like a turtle and let it slide off your back. 

I wrote an article on squalane [moisturizer derived from sharks] and someone made some not so kind comments.  Even after I replied with the company's own answer that sharks are not harvested for that purpose but the sharks used are a by-product of deep sea fishing and would be thrown back in the ocean if there was not a use for them I never heard from her again.  She seemed to register with VP just to make that comment- never to return.

We still love ya!
2008 Advisor
posted on December 02, 2008 at 03:25PM
 
Funny...I noticed that this poster's only comment, ever, was the one he'd written in response to my review. I have to wonder if he just signed up to to respond to me, or if he's just someone who is starting out here on the wrong foot, in general.
2008 VIP
posted on December 02, 2008 at 03:47PM
 
In response to Telpher's post from December 02 2008 03:08PM

I totally feel you and have had similar experiences on the web.  It seems like some people think that those with differing opinions are either wrong OR in this case it's like they think your opinion doesn't count.

Many people here seem to agree to disagree, I know many people rated movies highly that I hated, and vice versa, and generally we get comments like "well I didn't like it but glad you did!" or whatever.... However there will always be a few who think any opinion besides their own is wrong. There are also some sensitive people on the web who think anyone who disagrees is being insulting to them.

2008 VIP
posted on December 02, 2008 at 03:49PM
 
In response to Telpher's post from December 02 2008 03:25PM

As for being the only comment/activity, I've had that happen to me a few times here already!  Someone even signed up with a username about the product I had reviewed (as in "productsucks") and then the only thing they did was leave a comment on my review that I must not know what I'm talking about b/c the product sucks.

I just replied quick and nice to say I do use the product all the time and I do love it regardless of what he says.

2009 VIP
posted on December 02, 2008 at 04:10PM
 

hmm i haven't had many weird ones -- but Bryan often does poor man.  He even had an author create an account every where he writes and "stalk" him to refute Bryan's review of his book.  but i guess this is my take on it .. a product review is an opinion, opinions are like (_)(_) everyone has one. so if i put mine out there, it's possible someone else will too. hopefully mine just looks better :-D  LOL 

honestly, I ignore them, laugh to myself that they went to so much trouble so obviously they have no real life and leave it there unless it's really inappropriate. 

so, yep it happens, not much can be done about it and it's to be expected in most cases. to be honest I am surprised it doesn't happen more often.  -- but hate it when it happens to the really nice people -- and good writers!

2008 VIP
posted on December 02, 2008 at 09:05PM
 

And the funniest thing about this whole situation is... I bet if you were sitting in a room with that guy and talking about the movie, he would never come at you like that to say how wrong you are.  It's funny how people feel so free to speak their mind on the internet, even if in real life they would have some class and be nice about it.

posted on December 02, 2008 at 09:51PM
 

I stumbled upon this board by seeing Vivasuzi's activity.  I agree with everyone and have pity on those who get pleasure at someone else's expense.  I try not to argue with ignorant or uncaring people but sometimes I have a short fuse and watch out if someone lights it!  You can't keep a stick of dynamite from going boom once you ignite it!

I have 7 children and we have a rule in our house that it is okay to disagree with someone as long as we listen to their side or all the facts, we respect their thoughts and opinions and we don't try to wager a war against the "wrong" person.  My children love to double-team each other and most often their quarrels end up in tears and snide comments like, "I don't like you anymore."  But they have been taught to never say "hate" toward a person or to withhold their love from siblings so in the end at night when we have our family Bible time and prayer they will usually apologize for being mean.

Just remember: If you stew over something that someone says it will only get the best of you.  They have made their point and moved on to greener pastures or another victim.  I agree with you all--we must just learn to ignore them.  ~Anna 

2009 Writer
posted on December 02, 2008 at 11:18PM
 
People have their own taste but we all have to respect one another. We might not approve or have in common what some say but in any way, we all have to respect each other.
2008 Advisor
posted on December 03, 2008 at 01:13AM
 
After I started this thread, that person posted two really long additions to his original post, which were both very badly written. Amidst his rantings, he actually said something to the effect of, "My opinion is right about this and yours is wrong." Again, it gave me a laugh. I wrote back one last time to tell him that his personalized rantings are not interesting to me in any way, and that  he might as well stop writing to me. It just amazes me that anyone would get so wrapped up in a movie that they'd take personal offense when a complete stranger has different feelings about it.
2008 Advisor
posted on December 04, 2008 at 11:12AM
 
One of my first VP postings was in response to a review that I thought was unreasonable because the reviewer had not used the product correctly. That reviewer, nevertheless, complained about the product when, in fact, it was her misunderstanding that affected her experieince with it.

My response was addressed to her but intended for others who might read her review and form a judgment about the product that would deprive them of a positive result if they used the product properly.

I received a rather unpleasant response suggesting that I was being mean and taking shots at her personally, which I was not.

I wrote back explaining my motivation and rationale. I heard nothing back.

So... life is fleeting.
2008 VIP
posted on December 04, 2008 at 11:16AM
 
People don't like to be told they don't know what they are doing :) I hope you posted your own review of the product too.  I've known ppl and read reviews where the person used it wrong and they were so frustrated that even after they knew how to use it right, they didn't want to anymore.  So in that case, her negative rating could still be valid even after she knew how to use it.
2008 Advisor
posted on December 04, 2008 at 11:24AM
 
In response to vivasuzi's post from December 04 2008 11:16AM
Yes, I did. And yes, her rating would be valid - for her. But like so many reviews, it was written as if this was going to be the experience everyone would have.

I try to personalize my reviews and make it clear that the review reflects my experience, not necessarily everyone's. I probably mess up sometimes. But I try.
2009 Writer
posted on December 04, 2008 at 12:37PM
 
In response to LisaCarey's post from December 02 2008 04:10PM
LisaCarey said…

but i guess this is my take on it .. a product review is an opinion, opinions are like (_)(_) everyone has one. so if i put mine out there, it's possible someone else will too. hopefully mine just looks better :-D  LOL 



I would hope that Bryan agrees with that sentiment :)
2008 VIP
posted on December 04, 2008 at 01:21PM
 
In response to Eyerater's post from December 04 2008 11:24AM
That's a really good way to review!  I tend to throw things into my review like "well if you don't like so-and-so, you probably won't like this movie, but if you do, then you will".  In other words, I try to make sure ppl know where i'm coming from, and I don't usually think my review is meant to tell them what they should like or not, it just tells them why I like it or not.  At least I hope it comes across that way :)
2008 Advisor
posted on December 04, 2008 at 01:32PM
 
There's also a vast difference between pointing out that some may have, for instance, not used a product in the way it was intended, and basically telling someone that they must not be very bright if they don't love the same movies you like. It seems to me that the first is constructive, while the second serves no purpose, at all.
2009 VIP
posted on December 04, 2008 at 03:19PM
 

I try to read all of my friends reviews even if I know I don't like the product or wouldn't dare try the product, view the movie, etc.  I will sometimes tell them this is a courtesy read/vote just to read their review. 

I say things like, "the language might be offensive or it offended me..."  And usually when I review something I might say I didn't like it because "I am a very picky eater or I am easily offended by strong/vulgar language..." 

If I do a negative I usually voice it so that you know it is opinion not fact.  You can't please everyone all the time so why try. 

I like what my youth pastor said a few weeks ago in church: "Speak without offending and listen without defending."  ~Gigi

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