That's great!!!!  Thanks for the laugh!!!!

1. White, Straight Republican Male (How else can I P*** you off today?)
2. If it sounds like Marx & acts like Stalin...it's probably Obama.
3. The National Debt has TRIPLED under the Obama administration.  So how's that "hope - change" thing working out?
4. "I believe the best Social Program is a job."- Ronald Reagan  Unemployment is now at 10.2% and probably rising. (But didn't Obama promise that if his stimulus package passed, unemployment would remain under 8%?)
5. Obama Justice: Abortion is OK...but don't mistreat a terrorist.

 I could go on & on...

But for those who say we haven't found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they're wrong, we found them.
--George W. Bush Interview with TVP Poland 5/30/2003

We Americans have faith in ourselves, but not in ourselves alone. We do not know -- we do not claim to know all the ways of Providence, yet we can trust in them, placing our confidence in the loving God behind all of life, and all of history.

"I think war is a dangerous place." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 7, 2003

More Muslims have died at the hands of killers than -- I say more Muslims -- a lot of Muslims have died -- I don't know the exact count -- at Istanbul. Look at these different places around the world where there's been tremendous death and destruction because killers kill.
--George W. Bush Feb. 18, 2004 Washington D.C.

I'm dealing with a world in which we have gotten struck by terrorists with airplanes, and we get intelligence saying that there is, you know, we want to harm America.
-- George W. Bush NBC's "Meet the Press", Feb. 8, 2004


flash forward to June of 2004

REPORTER: Thank you, Mr. President. You do have now the personal gun of Saddam Hussein. Are you willing to give it to President al-Yawar as a symbolic gift, or are you keeping it?
BUSH: What she's referring to is a -- members of a Delta team came to see me in the Oval Office and brought with me -- these were the people that found Saddam Hussein, the dictator of Iraq, hiding in a hole. And, by the way, let me remind everybody about Saddam Hussein, just in case we all forget. There were mass graves under his leadership. There were torture chambers. Saddam Hussein -- if you -- we had seven people come to my office. Perhaps the foreign press didn't see this story. Seven people came to my -- they had their hands cut off because the Iraqi currency had devalued. And Saddam Hussein needed somebody to blame, so he blamed small merchants. And their hands were chopped off, their right hand.
- - George. W. Bush Savannah, Georgia, Jun. 10, 2004

If you're asking me as the President, would I understand reality, I do.
--George W. Bush

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
--George W. Bush

In my sentences I go where no man has gone before.
George W. Bush

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
--George. W. Bush Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

The reason I keep insisting that there was a relationship between Iraq and Saddam and al Qaeda, because there was a relationship between Iraq and al Qaeda.
--George. W. Bush Washington, D.C., Jun. 17, 2004

Leadership to me means duty, honor, country. It means character, and it means listening from time to time.
George W. Bush

We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans.
George W. Bush

We will stand up for our friends in the world. And one of the most important friends is the State of Israel. My administration will be steadfast in support Israel against terrorism and violence, and in seeking the peace for which all Israelis pray.
-- George W. Bush

I don't bring God into my life to - to, you know, kind of be a political person."-George W. Bush, interview with Tom Brokaw aboard Air Force One, April 24, 2003

"People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you." -- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002

"You see, the Senate wants to take away some of the powers of the administrative branch." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002

"There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again." -George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

and the beat goes on....

The beat goes on and we're all taking a pounding...on and on and on.

By the time George W. Bush was inaugurated in 2001, the National Debt stood at $5.7-trillion. He ran up more debt faster than nearly all of his predecessors combined: just under $4.9-trillion

_____________________________

Now that the George W. Bush era has finally ended, we can do a tally of the national debt he has left to us, our children, and our grandchildren:

When Bush was sworn in on January 20, 2001, the national debt was $5,727,776,738,304.64.

When "W" left office on January 20, 2009, the national debt was $10,626,877,048,913.08.

The growth in the national debt during his eight years in office: $4,899,100,310,608.44.

The average yearly growth in the national debt during Bush's presidency: $612,387,538,826.05.

During much of Bush's tenure, he had a Republican majority in both the House and the Senate.

He claimed that tax cuts would pay for themselves - they did not. He claimed that tax cuts would result in growth - we are in the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression.

Let us hope that once the economy rights itself, we will find the political will to insist that we pay what it costs to run this country. We need to do it as a general principle of what is right for America, and not empty words conditioned upon every citizen agreeing with how every dollar in the government budget is being spent.

What George Bush did to this country profoundly weakened us. We worry about the effect of spending a trillion dollars to bring us back from an economic precipice because, during times of relative prosperity we were sold a bill of goods about how our budget would be balanced at some time in future, despite all evidence to the contrary.

We elected the people who allowed all of this to happen.

Change is always slower than needed, expected, demanded.

 But this be a thread of political humor....  enjoy.

Chris

I agree. The people in a democracy always get the government that they deserve. And I take exception to the thought that I elected W, I voted for Gore, and Kerry.

Playing devil's advocate a bit perhaps... As you said.. we get the government we deserve.   So what you didn't vote for W... you voted for many other people or worse.. didn't.. who were or were not elected and you could have gotten more involved in politics and the government and done more to have an effect of what happened the last several years.

Most of us are busy with our own lives and aren't into politics, but we take a lot for granted and don't look in the mirror and say... you know what... it's a little too complicated to just point the finger over there... away from yourself and say... you're fault...     

We can learn and grow or just get more of the same.

Back to some more humor as I find some more quotes to share.

I wish we'd stop the Bush bashing (that's in the past, we can't change it). Let's look at what Obama is doing NOW.

Any predictions when the deficit will stop growing or when the stimulus will start stimulating economic growth?

FROM GEORGE CARLIN:

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem."

"Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out."

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

"Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money."

"Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It's because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time."

"Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers."

"The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment."


"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."


"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"

"You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans."

"These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people."

"Deep Throat: Think about it. There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. How do school teachers handle this?"

"I don't think we should be governing ourselves. What need is a king, and every now and then if the king's not doing a good job, we kill him."

"George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country."

"The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it."

"This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. Am I right? A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out.'"



"Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. Everybody complains about politicians. Everybody says they suck. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? They don't fall out of the sky. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. This is the best we can do folks. This is what we have to offer. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. Maybe something else sucks around here... like, the public. Yeah, the public sucks. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. F*ck Hope.'"

"I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. On Election Day, I stay home. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. Now, some people like to twist that around. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they get into office and screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. You voted them in. You caused the problem. You have no right to complain. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for that these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created."

all George Carlin!

This is my maiden voyage. My first speech since I was the president of the United States and I couldn't think of a better place to give it than Calgary, Canada." --George W. Bush, as reported by the Associated Press, Calgary, Canada, March 17, 2009

"I'm going to put people in my place, so when the history of this administration is written at least there's an authoritarian voice saying exactly what happened." --George W. Bush, on what he hopes to accomplish with his memoir, as reported by the Associated Press, Calgary, Canada, March 17, 2009

"One of the very difficult parts of the decision I made on the financial crisis was to use hardworking people's money to help prevent there to be a crisis." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009

"In terms of the economy, look, I inherited a recession, I am ending on a recession." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009


"So I analyzed that and decided I didn't want to be the president during a depression greater than the Great Depression, or the beginning of a depression greater than the Great Depression." --George W. Bush, Washington D.C., Dec. 18, 2008

"People say, well, do you ever hear any other voices other than, like, a few people? Of course I do." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 18, 2008

"I've abandoned free market principles to save the free market system." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 16, 2008

"You know, I'm the President during this period of time, but I think when the history of this period is written, people will realize a lot of the decisions that were made on Wall Street took place over a decade or so, before I arrived in President, during I arrived in President." --George W. Bush, ABC News interview, Dec. 1, 2008

"I've been in the Bible every day since I've been the president." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Nov. 12, 2008    Reflecting a catch-phrase popular about 15 years ago that said Get in the Bible... Get in the Bible. 

onwaytozion said…

I wish we'd stop the Bush bashing (that's in the past, we can't change it). Let's look at what Obama is doing NOW.

---

I believe your request has fallen on deaf ears...

George George George. I believe he never used the tried and true method of thinking before speaking which left him with a terminal case of foot-in-mouth disease.

And some recent Obama quotes too !

"It was also interesting to see that political interaction in Europe is not that different from the United States Senate. There's a lot of -- I don't know what the term is in Austrian, wheeling and dealing." --confusing German for "Austrian," a language which does not exist, Strasbourg, France, April 6, 2009

"The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies to our health care system." --in remarks after a health care roundtable with physicians, nurses and health care providers, Washington, D.C., July 20, 2009

"No, no. I have been practicing...I bowled a 129. It's like -- it was like Special Olympics, or something." --making an off-hand joke during an an appearance on The Tonight Show, March 19, 2009 (Obama later called the head of the Special Olympics to apologize)

"I didn't want to get into a Nancy Reagan thing about doing any seances." --after saying he had spoken with all the living presidents as he prepared to take office, Washington, D.C., Nov. 7, 2008 (Obama later called Nancy Reagan to apologize)


"On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes -- and I see many of them in the audience here today -- our sense of patriotism is particularly strong."

We better learn to laugh at all of 'em or they'll be a Kleenex shortage within a week.

Political humor is the topic of this thread.  Quotes, jokes, comments that are silly, funny, stupid or sharp and witty.....  No need to be fair, balanced... it's HUMOR...

ChrisJarmick said…

We better learn to laugh at all of 'em or they'll be a Kleenex shortage within a week.

---

Truer words have never been spoken. We do have some great reviews on Puffs brand kleenex right now- just in case.

"Who calls a shot like that? Who makes a decision like that? It's a disturbing trend." -Sarah Palin, INSISTING it's a conspiracy that "In God We Trust" has been moved to the edge of coins because of the Obama administration (the change was made by the Bush administration in 2007 and was later reversed by Congress, before Obama took office), West Allis, Wisconsin, Nov. 6, 2009


 "They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan." --Sarah Palin, 

"I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we've been charged with and automatically throw them out." --Sarah Palin, referring to a fictional department while attempting to explain why as president she wouldn't be subjected to the same ethics investigations that forced her to resign as governor of Alaska, ABC News interview, July 7, 2009

How about some Kwame Kilpatrick quotes?  I'm sure you guys can find plenty of humor there :)

"No man's life, liberty, or property
is safe while the legislature is in session."


"Suppose you were an idiot.
"And suppose you were a member of Congress....

"But then I repeat myself."

Quotes by....

Mark Twain

"According to excerpts from Sarah Palin's memoir, 'Going Rogue,' the former vice presidential nominee says her infamous Katie Couric interview went so poorly because Couric was badgering, had a partisan agenda, and asked questions." - Seth Meyers

"Sarah Palin is gonna be on Oprah Winfrey's show on Monday. Well, not to be outdone, John McCain is going on 'The Oz' show to get a prostate exam." - Jay Leno

"In her new book, Sarah Palin claims that before John McCain chose her as his running mate, his campaign spent $50,000 on a background check. Yeah. When he heard this, John McCain said, we should have spent $75,000." - Conan O'Brien

"Finally, excerpts from Sarah Palin's new book are starting to leak out to the internet. There's some really shocking stuff in there, complete sentences, proper grammar, really shocking stuff." - Jimmy Fallon

"Fox News made a big announcement, they announced that they are not interested in hiring outspoken anti-immigration anchor Lou Dobbs. Yeah, yeah. Also not interested in hiring Lou Dobbs, the band Los Lobos." - Conan O'Brien

"CNN announced today that political reporter John King will replace Lou Dobbs. King said, 'I'm excited to report about the political landscape, and Dobbs said, 'I am excited to report my landscaper to immigration.'" - Jimmy Fallon

"Hey, you guys, it's Friday the 13th. A lot of people are superstitious about the number 13. President Franklin Roosevelt refused to travel on the 13th of every month, would never host 13 guests at a dinner party, either. And President Bush wasn't allowed to see any movie rated PG-13." - Jimmy Fallon

"Today happens to be Friday the 13th. In fact, this is the third Friday the 13th of 2009 already. I blame Obama for that. We never had three Friday the 13ths under President Bush." - Jimmy Kimmel

"We're learning more and more details about the confirmation of Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor. She told Latina magazine [that] the White House told her to paint her fingernails a neutral shade and wear small size earrings during the confirmation. But, see, that's not unusual. That's the same thing Fox tells Ryan Seacrest every week." - Jay Leno

"Did you hear this? Germany will send 120 soldiers to northern Afghanistan to help fight the Taliban. And out of habit, France surrendered." -Jimmy Fallon

per the previous request...  make up your own jokes for these....The Former Mayor of Detroit....

"I have been disobedient to God and you know I made him some promises and I am getting a whooping for it."

- During a radio interview about the text messages that revealed his extramarital affair (Detroit WXMD-FM, Feb. 8, 2008)

"I don't believe that a Nielsen rating is worth the life of my children or your children. This unethical, illegal lynch mob mentality has to stop."

- On receiving death threats against himself and his family (ABC News, March 13, 2008)

"I want to tell you, Detroit, that you done set me up for a comeback."
- Kilpatrick, announcing his resignation (USA Today, Sept. 4, 2008)

Chris, you are on a roll, thanks for the laughs!!

So, far there have been more pokes at conservatives than liberals. To make it fair and balanced:

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
**********************

Q: Have you heard about McDonalds new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
**********************

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
**********************

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.
The other is for housing prisoners.
**********************

If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and It
started to sink, who would be saved? .... America!
**********************

If Nancy Pelosi has her face lifted one more time she'll have a beard!
**********************

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
**********************

I hope that my point will be taken the way I intend it to.  Humor is subjective.

You know you are a conservative when:

You're Pro-Life and Anti-Abortion but support the Death Penalty and believe in justifiable war.

You think cutting Education is better for America's children.

You think everybody on welfare are lazy people who don't work.

You rant and rave about the evils of drugs... unless that drug happens to be tobacco or distributed legally by a pharmaceutical company or Viagra.

You argue that everyone was created equal and everyone has equal opportunity and is entitled to equal treatment under the law in the United States--unless of course they are Homosexual.

You believe completely and totally in the free market capitalistic system even when company's export jobs overseas, pollute the environment and require government bailouts to stay in business.

You think the media is run by socialist, left thinking liberal commies and FOX news is actually fair and balanced like their ads say they are.

You love the 2nd Ammendment but don't mind exceptions to the 1st and 4th.

You believe in freedom of religion proviced it's a Christian based religion and not too Jewish or Muslim.

You believe Janet Jackson's wardrobe mishap at the Superbowl half-time was an irresponsible crime damaging to any children who witnessed the debacle--but having kids hold pictures of aborted fetus' at pro-life rallies.. is necessary.

You think it is fair to compare a President of the United States' policies to Nazi Germany and even show pictures of dead holocaust victims to make your point-- as long at the President is a democrat.  

You believe someone is a terrorist sympathizer or might even be working with terrorist if they are against the War in Iraq or War in Afghanistan.

You hate taxes except those that support the infrastructure and the military and social security and farmers and corporations in your state who need a little help making America strong.

You think that often Rush Limbaugh speaks the truth and when he's wrong he's just a wonderfully entertaining radio talk show host and one of the few God Fearing conservatives on the air.

You still believe Oliver North was a hero.

 You laugh at many of the above statements because you aren't really like that, but know some people who are.

You know you're a liberal if:

You hate Hillary jokes.

You think trees have feelings, animals are people too, you don't believe in the death penalty even for child killers, but you defend abortion as an expression of choice.

You think a moment of silent prayer at the beginning of a public school day is a form of government sanctioned religious oppression and an instrusion on parental authority, but sex education, distribution of condoms and multi-culturalism are 'value neutral'.

You can say things like 'value neutral' with a serious straight face.

You write letters, and join in boycotts towards anyone accused of contributing to ruining the natural environment (with acid rain, toxic waste etc.) but fight for the rights of pornographers, anarchists, open marriages and homosexuals.

You want to legalize and tax marijuanna and cocaine, outlaw hand guns and think cops are pigs and most big corporations illegal polluters of the environment.

You like Jesse Jackson and really really like Barbra Streisand.

You believe corporate profits are disgraceful, but government spending is too low and more taxes to support the Arts is a good thing.

You believe Homosexuality is natural and genetic.

You believe every minority problem is related to entrenched institutional racism created by the legacy of slavery and segregation.

You believe the rich get richer, the poor get poorer and liberals are rarely rich.

You applaud those who marched against American involvement in Vietnam, marched against the Iraq War, thought the Gulf war was unnecessary but believe we should send troups into Darfur to stop the ethnic cleansing being attempted there.

You are getting very mad and upset, rather than laughing at all of the above.

You Know Your a Liberal:

When you jump back in to get the last word.

You find yourself counting how many, You know you are a liberal and how many You Know you are a Conservative ..jokes  were made and feel a bit better about the mean spirited digs directed at YOU because there's a couple of extra ones directed at those darn conservatives.  Yeah!