Worst Moviesl Worst of the Worst Part 7 Review

Lucky part 7 of the Worst Movies : Worst of the Worst  round-up that I've decided to do in plenty of time for both Turkey day and the gift giving holidays.    These are lousy, rotten movies not worth watching.   They aren't fun, interesting and perhaps they are worth reading about for a few seconds so that you never make the mistake of renting or buying one.

If you ever see for instance, in a DVD bargain bin a used copy of this movie by Wes Craven for 1 dollar and wonder if for a buck it would be worth buying and watching.... well if it's

The Hills have Eyes 2 (1984) Director: Wes Craven

The answer is no no no.  At least not the 1984 version.  I really liked Hills have Eyes which came out in (1977) and had that loveable incestuous cannibal family (run by the adorable Papa Jupe with the face scarred by an axe) who terrorized unfortunate tourists in the desert... In the sequel a bunch of kids traipse around in the cannibals territory and mostly get picked off one by one, after proving they can't act and aren't given anything interesting to say or do.   It's not the least bit interesting and it's hard to believe Craven would want his name on something this bad.  This is probably his worst and dullest.

 
 Hospital Massacre (1981) Former Playmate and Heffner main squeeze Barbi Benton faded into obscurity because she made a few movies like this one. This is the worst one she made (at least that I saw).  She is pursued by a psychopath in a hospital. Why? When they were kids, she laughed at his valentine card or valentine rhyme or something like that..... Fifteen minutes of derivative material is stretched to about 90 for no reason.

 If Ever I See You Again Director: Joe Brooks Starring: Joe Brooks, Shelley Hack, Jimmy Breslin, Jerry Keller, George Plimpton, Danielle Brisebois

The guy who gave us that wonderful sappy melodramatic "You Light Up My Life" movie (please lean out of the car to vomit) now delivers this movie of how he goes off in search of a long lost love. No one cared, no one liked it, few people remember it. Forget I mentioned it.

 Island Claw (1980) The recognizable Barry Nelson and Robert Lansing (to some of us anyway) are in this uh... to be nice... turkey. Toxic waste created a large lobster. Okay Crab..... of which you see eventually a paper mache Lobster claw.... Not enough here to enjoy in a MST kind of way....stick with Attack of the Crab Monsters okay?

 It's Pat: The Movie (1995)
Director: Adam Bernstein Starring: Julia Sweeney, David Foley, Charles Rocket, Kathy Griffin, Julie Hayden, Kathy Nijimy, Larry Hankin, Tim Meadows, Camille Paglia

If you really enjoyed the 3 to 5 minute sketches on Saturday Night Live, involving the androgynous character "Pat" then you'll of course be able to sit through a long drawn out 77 minute sketch, right? Well I mean maybe if was really sharply written and very clever .... But it isn't.   After 5 minutes you'll be wondering who thought this was a good idea.  After 10 minutes you'll be thinking water-boarding isn't really that bad a torture compared to watching a movie like this.  Hello?

 Jaws 4: The Revenge (1987)
Director: Joseph Sargent Starring: Lorraine Gary, Lance Guest, Mario Van Peebles, Karen Young, Michael Caine, Lynn Whitfield, Mitchell Anderson

Lorraine Gray plays Ellen Brody, the widow of the sheriff (Roy Scheider) from the original "Jaws" . Ellen is absolutely sure that giant Shark (Bruce from the first movie) is stalking and killing off members of her family. Never mind that the shark was blown to bits in the first movie...Anway it's all very badly done. Jaws 3 in 3D was also pretty bad (it's the one that stole it's plot from the 1950s THE REVENGE OF THE CREATURE which was also in 3D). For Jaws 4 we also get Michael Caine and Mario van Peebles in dredlocks. Michael Caine isn't in dredlocks I meant he's in this movie... I guess he's here because he wanted a worse film on his resume than things like Water and Swarm, The Island and Beyond the Poisedon Adventure. What was unfortunate is that Caine could not go to the Oscars ceremony in 1987 because the producers were rushing to finish some additional scenes of this movie so they could get it into theaters in time for the July 4th holiday weekend.  Caine won the Oscar (his first after being passed over many times) for best supporting Actor in Woody Allen's Hannah and Her Sisters. Caine missed the Oscars, the film didn't get released in time for the July 4th weekend anyway and it sunk very fast when it was released the end of July. It's a lousy flick and I can tell you it's been pretty safe to go swimming in the ocean again since 1984 or so.. barring the occasional red tides, oil spills and high PCP levels.

 Jaws of Satan (1981) Hey Fritz Weaver did a horrible, horrible film. It's also got Christina Applegate when she was a little kid.... It's also still not worth seeing. It's about a snake which may actually be the devil who terrorizes Fritz. If you really really like Anaconda, then.... nope you still won't like this....

Part 11 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Bad-Films-Part-11-review-131f2

Part 10 b is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-10-B-Extra-Bad-Movies-review-c2a30

Part 10 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-10-review-acb66

Part 9 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-9-review-90be

Part 8 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-8-review-81bc0

Part 7 is the one you have just read.

Part 6 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-6-review-cb0f

Part 5 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-5-review-abc02

Part 4 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-4-review-b8604

Part 3 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-review-b0805

Part 2 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-MOVIES-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-2-review-1e052

Part 1 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-MOVIES-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-2-review-1e052

You probably would appreciate avoiding these lousy Sports Movies as well.

Worst Sports Movies  Part 3:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-SPORTS-MOVIES-Ever-Part-3-of-3-review-5f8b0

Worst Sports Movies Part 2:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-SPORTS-MOVIES-of-All-Time-Part-2-of-3-review-5e76

Worst Sports Movies Part 1:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Sports-Movies-of-All-Time-Part-1-of-3-review-7819