Worst Movies : Worst of the Worst Part 5 Review

Welcome to Part 5 of Worst Movies Worst of the Worst

As part of my public service to movie buffs, film snobs, flicker geeks and cineastes I continue my list of worthless movies.  Make sure you're paid very well to watch any of these or do yourself a favor and cross the street quickly to avoid coming into contact or even close proximity with these turkeys.

The Friday the 13th series is a good place to start and I'll suggest that there was some minor merit to the first two installments of the Jason Voorhees story.  Then...to cash in on the supposedly new and improved 3D revival of 1982 we were given

 Friday The 13th Part 3 (aka Friday the 13th 3-D) (1982)

Director: Steve Miner Starring: Dana Kimmell, Paul Kratka, Tracie Savage, Jeffrey Rogers, Catherine Parks, Larry Zerner.

Jason wearing his hockey mask is again carving up more young people. Thanks to the short-lived resurgence in popularity of 3-D (three dimensional) films in 1982, moviegoers who wore special glasses could see the knives and axes coming out of the screen toward them. Actually the title sequence and the climax were the only parts of the film where the 3d effects were even close to being effective. The gore and nudity were cut way back. Even in 3d the movie stunk. So if they release the thing in 3d on DVD in the future (only in 2d now), it's still not worth anything.

And yes.. they did it again just recently by offering another Jason in 3D movie that I am told wasn't very good but was better than this one was.

 Friday The 13th - The Final Chapter (aka Friday the 13th Part 4) (1984) Director: Joseph Zito Starring: Crispin Glover, Kimberly Beck, Judie Aronson, Barbara Howard, Erich Anderson, Peter Barton, Tom Everett, Corey Feldman, Ted White, Bruce Mahler, Lawrence Monoson

It wasn't the Final Chapter at all. But you can't sue over it. Life is not fair. Jason escapes from the morgue and kills quite a few folks in this one-but there's less gore to be seen. Now really what is the point?   To showcase the talented Crispin Glover?  To give work to Corey Feldman?  Oh to make money. And it made oney so they made . . ..

 Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning (1985) Director: Danny Steinmann
Starring: John Shepard, Melanie Kinnaman, Shavar Ross, Richard Young, Carol Lacatell, Corey Parker, Corey Feldman

A new director resurrects a new Jason. Well at first a grown-up Tommy released from a mental institution seems to be the new Jason. Hmm confusing alas still not very interesting and even less gory than previous entries.

 Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986) Director: Tom McLaughlin
Starring: Thom Mathews, Jennifer Cooke, David Kagan, Renee Jones, Kerry Noonan, C. J. Graham, Tony Goldwyn, Ron Palillo

Okay in this one you get a lot more humor, an Alice Cooper song: He's Back. Another new director and new Jason. Jason is revived by lightning like he's Frankenstein. Most of the killing is done off-screen. In 1987 the syndicated series (having no relation to Jason) Friday the 13th began and it would last until 1990.  Worthless and a complete waste of time, but better than...

 Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
Director: John Carl Buechler Starring: Lar Park Lincoln, Terry Kiser, Susan Blu, Kevin Blair, Susan Jennifer Sullivan, Elizabeth Kaitan

This time out a young camper with a talent for telekinesis (Lincoln) accidentally wakes Jason up from his watery grave. It starts with edited clips of the death scenes from the first 6 movies and then there's the sleeping bag murder in this one. Not very much gore. The new director is a former make up expert. I know someone in the cast and still tell you it's worthless, so you know I must be telling you the truth..

 Friday The 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
Director: Rob Hedden Starring: Jensen Daggett, Kane Hodder, Peter Mark Richman, Scott Reeves, Barbara Bingham, V. C. Dupree, Sharlene Martin

The trailers for this one made it seem like Jason was now running around Manhattan killing folks and it got some folks  excited about seeing a Friday the 13th flick in the theaters. It was a rip-off though because almost of all the film takes place aboard a dilapidated cruise ship. Students from Crystal Lake High School take a senior trip cruise to New York City. Jason at the very end of the movie gets off the boat but the subway scene was actually filmed in Canada. Cheaters. The gore is still minimal though it was rumored gorier scenes were filmed and edited out.   I never did check out the DVD to see if more gore was in the movie.. but that still wouldn't make it worth your while.   

 Jason Goes To Hell - The Final Friday (aka Friday the 13th Part IX) (1993)
Director: Adam Marcus Starring: John D. LeMay, Kari Keegan, Kane Hodder, Steven Culp, Erin Gray, Rusty Schwimmer, Billy Green Bush

This one ignores what's happened in the series before. Jason is killed and his soul takes over the body of innocent bystander. And again, despite the promise of this one really being the Final Friday... it wasn't. An un-rated gorier version of the rather tame one released in theaters was released.  It stunk.

Jason X (aka Friday the 13th Part X) (2001) Director:James Isaac Starring: More victims, an android robot girl that kicks booty and believe it or not director David Cronenberg plays a doctor.

Jason wakes up in outer space and starts killing off the crew on a space station. It's an uber Jason and he eventually battles an android female robot. Jason performs for the on-board cameras which means he's hamming it up for us too. That is supposed to make it a little different and therefore interesting for an audience to watch. Do you care? Why? It was followed in 2003 by the enormously popular Freddy vs. Jason which pits Jason against that loveable Nightmare on Elm Street ghoul Freddy Krueger for some monster wrestling.   Yikes.. I had to let it go... I found no value in the series after number 2...

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)
Director: Rod Amateau Starring: Anthony Newley, MacKenzie Astin, Katie Barberi

Antique shop owner Anthony Newley is trying to keep a group of obnoxious rejects who reside in a garbage can-well contained. Thanks to MacKenzie Astin, the Kids who have names like Valerie Vomit, Foul Phil, Nat Nerd, Messy Tessie, Windy Winston, and Greaser Greg are freed and they start farting and vomiting and creating mischief all over town. This is family entertainment? This is entertainment at all?  It's stupid, unfunny, rather gross and belongs in the garbage.    

The Gods Must Be Crazy II (1989 in the US)
Director: Jamie Uys Starring: N!xau , Lena Farugia, Hans Strydom , Eiros , Nadies, Erick Bowen

Filmed in 1981 and released internationally in 1983, the original The Gods Must Be Crazy was embraced by audiences. I don't understand why this low-budget, crude, slapsticky wasteof time ever became a hit. Then there was a sequel to cash in on the original movie. The follow-up is more violent then the first one, still has terrible dubbing and looks like it was shot on bad Super 8 cameras. The Bushman who was hit on the head with the coke bottle in the first one, this time out has his children get stuck inside a water truck and he spends the film trying to get them out. There's another annoying couple tagging along in this one. It's not funny or charming to me in the least. Just awful.

 GHOULIES  sequels
Ghoulies 2 (1988);  Ghoulies 3: Ghoulies Goes to College (1991) Ghoulies 4 (1993):

Joe Bob Briggs would give a pretty high naked  breast count for Ghoulies 3. The original Ghoulies was a bad film with a few special effects worse than those you'll find in the Puppetmaster series. I knew one of the actors in Ghoulies, and somehow that one is not quite as worthless as the follow-ups. Ghoulies 1 and 2 were PG-13 . Ghoulies 3 was R and Ghoulies 4 was a direct to video Jim Wynorski effort. Sometimes Wynorski makes fun trashy movies but usually not.

 Goblin (1993) Hmm maybe Ghoulies 3 wasn't that bad after all. A film hopelessly trying to cash in too late on Gremlins that makes the Leprechaun series look classic. A couple moves into an old farm house. The ads boasted: You Won't Believe Your Eyes. . . Until he RIPS Them From Their Sockets. If that makes it a must see film (oh punny, man I am) well, you'll actually be very disappointed.

GoreMet Zombie Chef From Hell (1987) Director: Don Swan Starring: Jeff Baughn, William Highsmith

Even with that ridiculous title . It just isn't any fun.  There deliberate campiness and it was made for a tiny tiny amount of money,  I mean thousands of dollars at the most.  It was shot on Super 8 and transferred to video tape as in VHS and was distributed to video stores by a short-lived company called Camp Video.    It knows its worthless and no one took much pride in working behind or in front of the camera.    It looks cheap and is cheap and by far the most creative and interesting thing about this movie is the title.  It's a slasher movie of course.

There are many more Worst of the Worst to avoid.  Read all about them here:

Part 11 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Bad-Films-Part-11-review-131f2

Part 10 b is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-10-B-Extra-Bad-Movies-review-c2a30

Part 10 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-10-review-acb66

Part 9 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-9-review-90be

Part 8 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-8-review-81bc0

Part 7 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Moviesl-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-7-review-5890

Part 6 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-6-review-cb0f

You are looking at Part 5  right now.  

Part 4 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-4-review-b8604

Part 3 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-review-b0805

Part 2 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-MOVIES-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-2-review-1e052

Part 1 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-MOVIES-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-2-review-1e052

You probably would appreciate avoiding these lousy Sports Movies as well.

Worst Sports Movies  Part 3:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-SPORTS-MOVIES-Ever-Part-3-of-3-review-5f8b0

Worst Sports Movies Part 2:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-SPORTS-MOVIES-of-All-Time-Part-2-of-3-review-5e76

Worst Sports Movies Part 1:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Sports-Movies-of-All-Time-Part-1-of-3-review-7819