Worst Movies Worst of the Worst Part 10-B Extra Bad Movies Review

A few worthless movies I meant to mention in earlier parts of my Worst of the Worst essay  slipped through the cracks, so I wanted to warn you about these before I continue forward with the next parts of my Worst Movies lists.

They are: 

ANGER MANAGEMENT- Directed by Peter Segal

 The airplane scene that was in the trailers and the first "I feel pretty" scene will probably make you laugh out loud. But nearly all the rest of the film utterly wastes Jack Nicholson and whatever talent you claim Adam Sandler has (I really enjoyed Happy Gilmore by the way). It's painful to watch flat unfunny ideas and jokes just sputter and stink up the place for a 100 minutes or so. Ugh.

BAD BOYS 2   (2003) Directed by Michael Bay 

Nobody expected it to be very good but one would expect the charisma of Will Smith and Martin Lawrence to make for a fun movie, right? Bruckheimer and Bay certainly should have delivered a silly, big action instantly forgettable stunt movie for the summer crowd. Instead you get one of the nastiest, most vulgar films ever made.

It's misogynistic, racist, and an absolute insult to the audience. The screenplay partially written by Ron Shelton was one of the lamest, laziest, dumbest pieces of drek I've ever sat through and I was expecting it to be junk in the first place. Since Shelton didn't insist on having his name removed one must assume the man is now a hack. Instead of anything remotely witty or clever, we're supposed to be entertained with Latin American stereotypes, dumb dames, and bodily function jokes. Ha ha ha,

 Martin Lawrence is shot in the buttocks. Ha ha ha, his pet dog pulls down his above ground swimming pool. Ha ha ha, Will Smith is dating M.L's sister on the sly. Ha ha ha, corpses are being used to hide drugs and the boys have to break into the mortuary and stick their hands inside the corpses to see if the drugs are indeed in there. Yep, Martin Lawrence's character has a weak stomach and he gets sick. Ha ha ha.

Corpses wind up falling out of their transports and they get run over by vehicles, leading to much mayhem and destruction. Ha ha ha. The dialogue is strained, lazy and without wit. When it tries to be funny it's painfully awful-but mostly it doesn't even try. Even more obscene of course is the time money and talent spent making this garbage. Did I mention the thing drags on for more 2 and a quarter hours? Everyone involved should have sued to stop this one from ever being released. It's not fun, amusing or worthwhile on any level. Perhaps the idea was to make the worst politically incorrect action films ever concocted and fill it with as many-tired cliché's and dumb character types as possible.

If you still can't resist seeing just how awful this film could be, don't say I didn't try to save you time and money by strongly suggesting you avoid it like you would an undercooked Jack in the Box hamburger that's been left out in the sun for a few days and is covered with flies and maggots. I'll sit through Anger Management, Boat Trip AND Pearl Harbor (minus the action sequences) rather than this one. The good news is, I didn't pay for it and saw it at the insistence of a 16 year old-who also thought it was an awful film.

 CAT IN THE HAT  2003   Directed by Bo Welch

Gee it worked for the GRINCH, lets try it again and make THE CAT IN THE HAT. This time we'll make sure it's hyped and cross-promoted with incredible amounts of advertising and product tie-ins that everyone will have to take their kids to go see it. We'll take Dr. Seuss beloved classic and turn into the kind of gimmicky, manipulative almost vulgar kind of franchise film that Mr. Geisel absolutely refused to allow have happened with his books, when he was alive. What hammy actor can we get for this one? Mike Meyers of course! We'll have farting and stiff tail jokes too. Will the movie inspire kids to read and have fun with words? Who cares as long as it sells lots of toys, t-shirts, hats, cereal, and fast food hamburgers!!! The, the, the, the....THE PITS.

Hanging Up  (2000)  Directed by Diane Keaton

There's not much worse than a comedy-drama that's dull and unfunny. Well except if it is one that wasted Walter Mathau in his final appearance on film. It also wastes Diane Keaton and Lisa Kudrow. Meg Ryan turns in a much better performance than you would expect but in a worthless film that's supposed to be about sisters who deal with life's responsibilities.  Written by Delia Ephron, Nora's sister.   If it calls you up begging you to watch it.. hang up and report the movie to the Do Not Call people.

 Loser  (1996)  Directed by Amy Heckerling

Amy Heckerling made Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Clueless. It's hard to believe she could make a film that wasn't smart, witty and clever. That she would make a film that is dull, tired, and sacrifices character credibility for cliche'd message making. It's true though. At 90 minutes the film feels like it's 4 hours long. Hard to believe there's nothing here, but ... there's nothing here. Loser is indeed a Loser.

Mad Dog Time    Directed by Larry Bishop

With people like Richard Dreyfuss, Gabriel Byrne Jeff Goldblum and Diane Lane you would think this couldn't be bad enough that it would be nearly impossible to watch.   It's horrible.  A mafia boss is first sent to a mental hospital, sparking a war for power around a sleazy nightclub.  Then the boss is released from the mental hospital and he shows up at a sleazy nightclub to get revenge and take over control of the organization.  A few people get together, talk tough and then there's a shoot out and a couple people die.  This is repeated several times.  Several cameo's are supposed to make you think it's a good movie.  The End.  I'm not kidding.  Awful.

MAN WHO WASN'T THERE  (1983)     Directed by Bruce Malmuth

I would be utterly re-miss if I did not warn all potential film-goers what an inane, worthless, mess this relentlessly unfunny, stupid , comedy truly is.  If you watch this you will waster One hundred and eleven minutes of your life.  You won't be better for the experience.

Let me take you back to 1982 and 1983 in the cinema.   What were they doing back then? They were trying to get you to see bad films by updating the 3D gimmick of the 50's. You had the terrible COMIN AT YA , and TREASURE OF THE FOUR CROWNS (1982), you had a FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3 in 3D (1982). You had JAWS 3D (1983), and METALSTORM: The Destruction of Jared (1983), and lots of other crummy ones too.  Demi Moore was even in a turkey called PARASITE in 3d (1982). Now to make sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that the 3D fad would quickly disappear, someone decided to make a 3D movie about an invisible man.

Holy Cannonball Run 2, slow down The Hearse, look past the Lost Horizon (the awful 1973 musical version) at Johnny B. Good and tell me you didn't actually mean to say they made a 3D movie centered around an invisible man.  That idea sounds worse than anything Ed Wood, Phil Tucker and Ron Ormond could have ever dreamed up.

And I assure I would consider sitting through GHOST DAD with Bill Cosby, or BIODOME with Pauley Shore, or SECOND SIGHT, or JAWS 4 - THE REVENGE rather than seeing this turkey ever again.  Hell I could watch Burt Reynold in Ace Stoker twice....and not be as disgusted as watching this one.

'Okay, Chris, we understand the movie is lousy, it's rotten, it's bad."

Bad? Look up the word in the dictionary and you'll see a shot of the invisible man from The Man Who Wasn't There.

Bad? Even b-movie maker Larry (It's Alive, God Told Me To, Q) Cohen dropped out of directing this turkey. He was scheduled to direct it but decided he'd rather make WICKED STEPMOTHER instead (ever see that awful film?)  I'll tell you about that one soon.

In a world full of dumb movie ideas this one pretty much takes the cake. Let's make a 3D movie and look at something we can't see... IN 3D !!!    It will be really FUNNY too.

 
Okay now I hope you haven't eaten too much recently, because now I'm going to tell you who the star of this opus is. Let me warn you, if you are tortured by Aliens with probes and forced to watch this thing, you will see the star's naked butt in the movie. You'll hear him talking with that stuffed up nose kind of whiny voice he has.

You'll wonder how the hell this guy got so many jobs working in movies almost as bad as this when you have snot-nosed nephews and cousins who've appeared in awful school plays that could easily out act this dweeb. If you haven't guessed by now, the star is Steve Guttenberg.

(Oh shutup Vern... he wasn't even very good in Diner or The Bedroom Window either. And he made more awful films than even Burt Reynolds and three times as many and John and Bo Derek ever made. Yep,...probably 12 films almost as bad as this one. Like what? Well BAD MEDICINE, CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC, COCOON 2-THE RETURN, HIGH SPIRITS, POLICE ACADEMY movies, or DON'T TELL HER IT'S ME, ETC. ETC.)

Sorry where was I?

Oh right. The film also stars Jeffrey Tambor, Art Hindle, Lisa Langlois, Bill Forsythe, Don Calfa, and Miguel Ferrer. If you have any respect for any of them, avoid this film. You will not believe anyone appearing in this film is a professional actor. The film is so rotten it's not even worth seeing for the 30 seconds or so you get to see Brinke Stevens, Michelle Bauer and Linnea Quigley taking a shower in bad 3D.

Let's review: You have an Invisible Man movie in 3D. It's low budget. You'll see wires holding up props like Telephones. . . and pieces of clothing. You'll see Guttenberg pretending he's making out with an invisible girl. . .which is even worse than watching him make out with a real one. You'll see doors open and close by themselves. Amazing.

Plot? You think I don't remember something that important when discussing a worthless film such as this?

Guess again.

Steve plays some pencil pusher at the State Department. A dying spy gives him a secret invisibility formula to hide from the bad guys and get to the good guys. In order to avoid the police (who think he killed the spy) and other spies, Steve has to try out the formula and become invisible himself. This creates complications with his girlfriend as well.

Doesn't that sound like the kind of comedy Bill Murray needs to remake into a comedy classic right away?

This mess was written on toilet paper by some guy named Stanford Sherman and directed by Bruce Mamuth who directed Night Hawks with Stallone before this, and Steven Segal in Hard to Kill after this. So I guess nobody blamed him for this turkey or they'd never had let him work again..

I would rate this a double flusher. That's when you flush twice to be sure, everything that is supposed to be flushed, is really and truly flushed. Believe me, if all the existing prints of this film had suddenly wound up on the Titanic, nobody, not even James Cameron, would have gone near the thing.
I hope this purging of my pain has amused and entertained you.

 Here are more Worst Movies to avoid.  Thanks for reading.  Enjoy.

Part 11 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Bad-Films-Part-11-review-131f2

Part 10 b is what you are reading right now.....:

Part 10 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-10-review-acb66

Part 9 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-9-review-90be

Part 8 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-8-review-81bc0

Part 7 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Moviesl-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-7-review-5890

Part 6 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-6-review-cb0f

Part 5 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-5-review-abc02

Part 4 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-4-review-b8604

Part 3 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-review-b0805

Part 2 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-MOVIES-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-2-review-1e052

Part 1 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-MOVIES-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-2-review-1e052

You probably would appreciate avoiding these lousy Sports Movies as well.

Worst Sports Movies  Part 3:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-SPORTS-MOVIES-Ever-Part-3-of-3-review-5f8b0

Worst Sports Movies Part 2:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-SPORTS-MOVIES-of-All-Time-Part-2-of-3-review-5e76

Worst Sports Movies Part 1:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Sports-Movies-of-All-Time-Part-1-of-3-review-7819