Worst Movies Bad Films Part 15 of 16 Review

Worst Movies Part 15 is brought to you as a public service.  Hopefully by avoiding these time wasting blights on the cinema landscape you'll watch much better movies, read or book or spend quality time with your wife and family talking, playing cards, going for a long walk or making something together.

I've even included a bonus awful movie to tell you about.

Here's some more movies to avoid:

 Thirsty Dead (1974) Another Philipine made psuedo jungle horror film about a young bride who can be young forever if only she would let the seemingly young king teach her about drinking blood and sacrificing virgins kind of thing. Problem is, it's all very dull.

Theodore Rex 1995

Whoopi Goldberg whose made many lousy movies considers this among her worst (perhaps topped by The Telephone).  She plays a futuristic cop named Katie Coltrane who is assigned a new partner, an eight foot tall, three ton no longer extinct  Tyrannosaurus Rex, who's closer to Barney than Jurassic Park.  Stupid concept, why was it made? Why did Whoopi say yes?  Why the heck did I sit through it?  (I went to a screening of it).

 Virgin of the Living Dead Director: (1971)Jess (Jesus) Franco Starring: Christina von Blanc, Britt Nichols, Howard Vernon, Ann Libert, Paull Muller

The incredibly prolific Franco has made lots of terrible movies, this is one of his strangest and most worthless. He seems to be doing a really terrible imitation of a Passolini film . A young woman travels to a remote castle when she learns of  a relative's death. She finds strange people living in the castle and she has dreams where zombies chase her. It makes little sense, isn't any fun and is often dull dull dull.

. Video Dead (1987) Usually when a film tries to be Campy, it never works. It plays like a very very dumb, dumb comedy. Some people like Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, and though horrible it has 5 or 6 minutes of laughs. Video Dead however is another story.. Made for video...but marketed very aggressively when it was first released. I used to say regarding the VHS version; If you are given a copy.... tape over it.  


 Visiting Hours (1982) Director Jean Claude Lord Starring Lee Grant William Shatner, Linda Purl, Michael Ironside

Shatner! Captain Kirk! It's gotta be worth seeing. No I tell you, don't do it. A psycho slasher does the peeping tom thing where he slashes and then photographs his victims. He attacks Lee Grant but doesn't kill her, so he has to track her down to the hospital. He goes on a mini-rampage in the hospital. The audience... well we go to sleep but everyone obviously realized this was a bad movie and doesn't try to hard to make it interesting. Even Ironside and Shatner aren't reasons to suffer through it. Visiting Hours are over.. don't bother.

Viva Knievel    (1977)  Director: Gordon Douglas

A couple years earlier George Hamilton played the daredevil in a lousy biopic picture, now the motorcycle daredevil himself tries to act in a movie where he kind of plays himself. Some gangsters try to kill Evel to they can use his trailer to smuggle cocaine.  There are stunts, Evel's romantic interest is Lauren Hutton, he cures some junkies, reconciles a father and son and preaches way too much.  Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

 Waterworld (1995)
Director: Kevin Reynolds (with unwanted assistance from Kevin Costner) Starring: Kevin Costner, Dennis Hopper, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Tina Majorino, Michael Jeter, Sab Shimono, Robert Joy, R.D. Call, Zakes Mokae, Leonardo
Cimino, Gerard Murphy

For all the hype and stories of how because of dumb production planning which had everyone building sets on the water in Hawaii around monsoon season and than monsoons destroyed all the sets so they have to re-build and then there was re-shoots and then Kevin Reynolds didn't like it when his friend and star Kevin Costner wanted to re-edit part of the film and so he quit... just like he did on that Robin Hood film. The film is variation on Road Warrior, except instead of the earth being one big desert, most of the earth is Waterlogged. Instead of spending under 20 million, they spend over 200 million on this expensive mess. The polar ice caps have melted you see and Dennis Hopper doesn't like Costner who's a slightly evolved gil man.. he has web feet. Dennis Hopper is completely over-the-top but at least he keeps you awake.. or maybe that's a bad thing. I kind of liked the first 20 minutes and how Costner makes drinkable water out of his own peeee , but after that you can (ahem) flush this needless time waster that is repetitious, predictable, and very dull.


 Weekend at Bernie's II (1993) Director: Robert Klane Starring: Andrew McCarthy, Jonathan Silverman, Terry Kiser, Barry Bostwick, Troy Beyer, Tom Wright, Steve James

The first one was so ridiculous and stupid it took you about an hour for your jaw to close to realize what an utterly dumb movie you were watching. This one however makes even less sense. Bernie does finally do a funny dance (he's dead but that doesn't stop him). The boys take the corpse to the Caribean to find Bernie's cash. It's amazing the first one had some laughs and made some money.. I have no idea how or why they thought they could get away with doing it again. This one is DOA.

 Wheels of Fire (1984) (aka Vindicator) Director Cirio H. Santiago Starring:Gary Watkins, Linda Wiesmeler, Laura Banks, Dennis Cole

Another awful Mad Max, Road Warior rip-off. A beefy bounty hunter had a nuclear car that throws flame. It's the future. Comes in handy when he tries to rescue a kidnapped babe from some sadistic highway road rulers. It's not just set in a future waste land, it IS a complete waste.

Before we get to the last part of this series....

Here's about 60 more losers that you will want to avoid:

Alien from L.A. (1987), Alienator (1989),.American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (1989), American Ninja 4: The Annihilation (1991), Ator, the Fighting Eagle (1983), Adventures of Hercules, The (1985)...aka Hercules II (1985), The Barbarians, (1987),The Being, aka Easter Sunday (1983), Beyond Evil (1980), Blade Master,  aka Ator, the Blade Master (1984), Boogeyman II (1983), Captain America (1992), Certain Sacrifice, (1985) the early Madonna movie, Chairman of the Board (1998), Chosen Survivors (1974) City Limits (1985),Cop & 1/2 aka Cop and a Half (1993), Cyclone (1987),

Death Ship (1980), Deathstalker III: Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell (1989), Ernest Goes to School (1994), Frankenstein Island (1981), Freddie as F.R.O.G (1992), Full Fathom Five (1990), Gas (1981), Ghosts Can't Do It  Anthony Quinn in a terrible Bo Derek movie (1991), Going Ape! Tony Danza out acted by monkees!!! (1981), Gor (1988),

Hail Caesar (1994), Hardbodies 2 (1986), House IV (1992), Howling II aka Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985), Howling III (1987), Howling IV: The Original Nightmare (1988), Invisible Maniac,  (1990),.Joy of Sex ..aka National Lampoon's The Joy of Sex (1984). Kazaam (1996)Shaq's attack on the movie business, The Lonely Lady,  (1983), Lords of the Deep (1989), Mannequin 2: On the Move (1991),

Martians Go Home (1990), Megaforce (1982), Mirror Mirror 2: Raven Dance (1994), Mr. Write (1994), Outlaw of Gor (1989),Penitentiary III (1987),Phat Beach (1996), Problem Child 2 (1991),Second Sight (1989), Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker (1992), Silent Night, Deadly Night III  Better Watch Out! (1989), Silent Night, Deadly Night Part II (1987),Smokey and the Bandit III (1983), Steel (1997),

Teen Wolf Too (1987),,Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997), Weekend Pass (1984), When Time Ran Out (1980),Where the Boys Are '84 (1984), Witchery (1988), Without Warning (1980),Yor, the Hunter from the Future (1982), Zeisters aka Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid (1986).

Some from 1999
8MM, The Astronaut's Wife, Bats, Chill Factor, Idle Hands, The Mod Squad, The Omega Code, The Rage: Carrie 2, The Story of Us

Some from 2000
The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, Any Given Sunday The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Get Carter (awful remake with Stallone), , , What Planet Are You From?, Where the Money Is.

Hollow Man   2000   Directed by Paul Verhoven

Caine (Bacon) becomes invisible, but the invisible agent chemical is also making him unable to control his urges, sexual or homicidal.  He rapes one his neighb ors, he spies on his ex-girlfriend.  When the scientists realize it's time to STOP the experiments, Caine decides to trap his scientists in the lab and kill them off one by one and then he'll wander the world as an invisible maniac.   As the movie devolves into a slasher film that steals ideas from Alien and Predator, the filmmakers get lazier and lazier, relying on the sometimes inventive special effects that give us glimpses of the invisible Caine (Kevin Bacon) because of water, steam and a fire extinguisher.  One of the characters is seriously injured in one scene and in the next he's performing feats of gymnastic derring do.  Nothing original happens in the last 30 minutes at all.  The acting is good, but the script is lousy and the nudity  and special effects only distracts us for a little while to realizing we are getting a re-hash of far-fetched and tired slasher film clichés.  Director Paul Verhoven who gave us Robo-Cop and Fourth Man has become a hack who can't even deliver a movie that should have been the equivalent of a 1950s Jack Arnold Incredible Shrinking Man,  and Creature from the Black Lagoon with beefed up modern effects and sex.  I kept thinking what Jack Hill, Roger Corman, William castle or even Walter Hill or Larry Cohen would have doen with this material.  It's such a frustrating blown opportunity, I found myself getting angry at everyone who made this movie.  Then upon reflection, I realize this movie was never meant to be any good, unfortunately it fails at being a fun or interesting b movie too.

Here are the previous ones:

Part 14 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Bad-Films-Part-14-review-4cc3

Part 13 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Bad-Films-Part-13-of-16-review-88494

Part 12 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Bad-Films-Part-12-of-16-review-c4550

Part 11 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Bad-Films-Part-11-review-131f2

Part 10 b is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-10-B-Extra-Bad-Movies-review-c2a30

Part 10 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-10-review-acb66

Part 9 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-9-review-90be

Part 8 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-8-review-81bc0

Part 7 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Moviesl-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-7-review-5890

Part 6 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-6-review-cb0f

Part 5 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-5-review-abc02

Part 4 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-4-review-b8604

Part 3 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-review-b0805

Part 2 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-MOVIES-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-2-review-1e052

Part 1 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-MOVIES-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-2-review-1e052

You probably would appreciate avoiding these lousy Sports Movies as well.

Worst Sports Movies  Part 3:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-SPORTS-MOVIES-Ever-Part-3-of-3-review-5f8b0

Worst Sports Movies Part 2:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-SPORTS-MOVIES-of-All-Time-Part-2-of-3-review-5e76

Worst Sports Movies Part 1:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Sports-Movies-of-All-Time-Part-1-of-3-review-7819