Worst Movies, Bad Films Part 13 of 16 Review

Part 13 of the Worst Movies  at your service.   These are movies that are worthless wastes of time.  If any of them offer a few minutes of entertainment, consider that there are many movies that you probably have not seen, that offer much more.  Your investment of time has value...more value than any of these movies will return to you.  

Avoid the following:

Shanghai Surprise (1986) Director: Jim Goddard
Starring: Sean Penn, Madonna, Paul Freeman, Richard Griffiths, Philip Sayer, Clyde Kusatsu, Kay Tong Lim

Madonna plays a missionary nurse in 1937 China who hires a dim-witted American fortune hunter (her then-real-life-husband, Sean Penn) to find a stash of stolen opium. She wants the drugs so she can help her patients and get out of China. There's no chemistry between Penn and Madonna and the pacing of the movie is awful, and the dialogue is terrible. George Harrison who was the executive producer of this film said working with the very spoiled Madonna and on this movie was the worst experience he ever had since he had been in show business and he shortly there-after got out of the film business selling his interest in Handmade Films. Harrison wrote a couple of mediocre songs for the movie too.

Slumber Party Massacre 2 and 3 1987, 1990. In 1982 they made the first Slumber Party Massacre which was about...(I hope your sitting down) a girl's slumber party being invaded by a nasty killer with power drill. It was directed by (shock, shock) a woman. Just as bad as any other slasher film of it's era, with a little bit of a sense of dark humor. Nothing unique or special except it was directed by a woman... but you wouldn't know that unless I told you or you read credits, which means you've made the mistake of renting the film. #'s 2 and 3 are also directed by women... different one's and they prove they are just as completely devoid of originality and talent as the people who wrote produced almost every slasher film Halloween, Friday the 13th wannabee out there. nuff said. Some of the women directors were so proud to be directing these films, they changed their names in case they ever directed a good movie so you wouldn't hold any of these movies against them.

 Sorority House Massacre (1986) and Sorority House Massacre Part 2 (1992)

Hey I can't remember which one is which anymore. You be the guy that watches all of these and writes down the details of each one... so no one will every have to watch them again okay? I know the second one was directed by Jim Wynorski who usually gets some topless shots in most of the quickie movies he's done. He also had a bet with Corman about shooting a film really fast and cheap, like Corman did with Little Shop and the Terror.. I think he won the bet.... it wasn't this film .....it was another classic he directed.

 Space Rage (1985)

A Richard Farnsworth movie you'll be glad you never heard of or had to sit through. It=s a western in space thing. On a prison planet, Farnsworth plays an ex-cop who decides to teach co-stars like Micheal Pare a lesson when he straps on lazer beam six shooters... UGH...

Spaceways (1953)

This is one of the dullest films you'll even encounter and anyone who has a problem sleeping should get a copy of this thing immediately. Wife is accused of murdering her husband. Seems they think the wife stuffed hubby into a satellite before it was launched. At almost the end of the movie wife and accusers get on rocket and go to the satellite so wife can prove she's innocent.   End of movie.  It was different...but still dull and awful.   Not even the often talented Terence Fisher could help this one. Eva Bartok and Howard Duff directed by Terrence Fisher. Zzzzzzzzzzz


 Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) Director: Jan DeBont Starring: Sandra Bullock, Jason Patric, Willem Dafoe, Temuera Morrison, Brian McCardie, Christina Firkins, Colleen Camp, Lois Chiles, Bo Svenson, Glenn Plummer, Tim Conway

Terrible sequel to the box office phenomenon Speed was a washout. You wait the entire movie to watch a ship speed through docks and onto shore. This disaster cost a reported $110 million to make and made only $48 million gross in the US. Sandra Bullock and her new boyfriend (Jason Patric) take a cruise ship to the Caribbean and find themselves battling a crazy bad guy (Willem Dafoe) who intends on sabotaging the cruise ship. Keanu Reeves from the first film wouldn't have anything to do with this film. Wise choice.

 Splatter University (1984) Even with a little more nudity than usual, you still will find this one hard to get through. You've seen it all before before... no attempt at suspense, mood, atmosphere or style of any kind. Bad all the way...


 STOP OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT (1992)
Director: Roger Spottiswoode Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Estelle Getty, JoBeth Williams, Roger Rees, Martin Ferrero, Gailard Sartain, Dennis Burkley

Why did you warn him? Another attempt by Sylvester Stallone to make a comedy movie falls flat in the first five minutes. Sly is a cop visited by his feisty mother (played by TV's Golden Girl's Estelle Getty). Mom witnesses a murder, and demands to be put on the case in exchange for her eyewitness account. If you really like Getty you might be able to tolerate parts of the film... but it's still not going to be easy. The same plot substituting a kid in place of a grandma was used for the awful Burt Reynolds film Cop and 1/2 the following year (note: I only saw a few minutes of it on cable or it probably would have made the list too.) I say let Mom shoot the Hollywood executives who green lighted this turkey.

There will be 16 (17 parts) in this series.   Here are the previous ones:

Part 12 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Bad-Films-Part-12-of-16-review-c4550

Part 11 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Bad-Films-Part-11-review-131f2

Part 10 b is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-10-B-Extra-Bad-Movies-review-c2a30

Part 10 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-10-review-acb66

Part 9 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-9-review-90be

Part 8 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-8-review-81bc0

Part 7 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Moviesl-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-7-review-5890

Part 6 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-6-review-cb0f

Part 5 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-5-review-abc02

Part 4 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-4-review-b8604

Part 3 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Movies-Worst-of-the-Worst-review-b0805

Part 2 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-MOVIES-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-2-review-1e052

Part 1 is here:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-MOVIES-Worst-of-the-Worst-Part-2-review-1e052

You probably would appreciate avoiding these lousy Sports Movies as well.

Worst Sports Movies  Part 3:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-SPORTS-MOVIES-Ever-Part-3-of-3-review-5f8b0

Worst Sports Movies Part 2:

http://www.viewpoints.com/WORST-SPORTS-MOVIES-of-All-Time-Part-2-of-3-review-5e76

Worst Sports Movies Part 1:

http://www.viewpoints.com/Worst-Sports-Movies-of-All-Time-Part-1-of-3-review-7819