Twilight (The Twilight Saga, Book 1) Review

If I could erase 5 hours of my life, it would be the 5 hours it took me to read Twilight.

 - The characters are shallow, flat, and flawless. No one likes a Mary Sue character. (No one SHOULD, anyway.)
 - The plot is onion-skin thin; practically nonexistent.
 - It's boring through and through. There's NO action until the very end, when an antagonist finally appears. Oh no, an evil vampire wants to eat Bella for a snack! Wait a minute, good ALWAYS triumphs over evil, and you can never never never let anything bad happen to the good guys (end sarcasm), so of couse Mr. Perfect (That sparkly dude - he can, uh... read minds... what's his name again? Edward? Yeah, that's it) shows up in the nick of time and saves the day after about ten pages of "exciting" (which is up to interpretation) and "suspenseful" (again, up to interpretation) "action." Woo hoo.
 - I cannot count the number of times Mrs. Meyer repeatedly used the words, "saunter," "masochist," "glare" and "grimace." Not to mention every time we see Edward Mrs. Meyer reminds us several times of his "beautiful crooked smile," "bronze curls," "gorgeous amber eyes" and so on and so forth.
 - Okay, so I admit my grammar's not the best either, and I admit I make a few typos once in a while, but in a PUBLISHED BOOK I expect to see some display of proper writing etiquette.
 - Edward and Bella's relationship is abusive and unhealthy, not sweet, endearing and strong. It sickens me.
 - The first person absolutely kills the narrative. Seeing everything from pathetic, helpless, whiny, perfect little Bella's point of view irks me to the point where I feel like I'm just going to burst.
 - The message that Twilight sends out? "It's okay to ignore all your friends, your family, and everything else that should matter to you in life because you have a boyfriend that you love because he's hot while he loves you because you smell good."
 - Sparkly vampires?! I laugh. Haha. Ha. HA.
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