Paul Blart: Mall Cop Review

 You may hate yourself a bit, but will find it difficult to resist liking Paul Blart; Mall Cop.  And I say this as someone who does know better.  I don't like Adam Sandler movies and I really find most overly manipulative gimmick movies deplorable.  This one features a never-ending barrage of 'fat' jokes, scenes scenes involving child endangerment, an utterly formula script that could have been a bad late 60's live action Disney film given a Pauley Shore update and  of course it is utterly implausible.  It's also a 'dumb' comedy and features lots of unimaginative slapstick.

So why didn't I throw up?  I mean it's produced by Adam Sandler and not surprising follows Sandler's comedy formula.  There's an absurd amount of forced pathos, there's an unlikely love story, there's  two dimensional characters, there's old. old jokes and tons of embarrassment type humor.

Kevin James is more portly here than he was in his CBS sitcom King of Queens but he's likeable in that Chris Farley, John Candy, Lou Costello, and Curly of the 3 Stooges sort of goofy portly way. Good thing that he is because he is in nearly ever scene of the movie, mugging, pratfalling and begging for us to laugh and hug him. 

  As the film opens  a group of POLICE OFFICER trainees are told they will graduate and get jobs as long as they complete the obstacle course.  Paul Blart is shorter and much heftier than anyone else.  And they are off.   Paul is sweating around his man boobs and belly button, but he is surprisingly agile.  In fact he's passing the recruits that sure look to be in better shape than he is.   We watch others slip and fall, but not Paul.   And then just a couple feet from the finish line, he falls, passed out and beings to loudly snore.   He doesn't pass.   

You see he is hypoglycemic.  Forget logic, or believability, this is a far-fetched comedy.  Next scene we establish he is living with his mom and  has a 12 or 13 year old Mexican daughter.  We'll learn he got married to an illegal alien but right after she had her daughter, she left.  He still doesn't want anyone talking bad about his ex-wife however because after all she gave him a beautiful daughter.    He's depressed about not being a Police officer and about being lonely so he medicates his hypoglycemia with sugar fixes, like Mom's pie which he slathers over with peanut butter  explaining that 'it fills the cracks of the heart'. 

Mom and daughter sign him up for an online dating service, this gives us an opportunity of watching a very silly music video they put on his profile that shows him performing on a Segway personal people mover around his neighborhood in New Jersey.

Paul is a West Orange New Jersey Mall Security guard.... I'm sorry... officer.   So yes, we will get the jokes about him being a frustrated cop who doesn't actually have a gun, but he'll train a recruit to have a move as if he has a gun.  Paul moves like a graceful ballerina on his job issued Segway personal transporter, but every once in while does something ridiculously clumsy.  All his 'skills' do him no good on the job of course because  absolutely no one shows him any respect,  not his co-workers, not kids in the mall, not the workers in the mall, not an old man that is moving too fast in his wheel chair, not a large woman that he gets into a full out fight with ('but he didn't hit her')   And then of course there's a very cute girl with large eyes, who likes him on first sight.   No reason for her to do so.. it's just one of those things that happens in the movie.   And he could get fired for giving her a ride on his Segway, but he does and despite his altercations and clumsiness and bad judgment he doesn't get fired either.

Despite all of the familiarity, you find yourself sucked into this sit-comish, comfortable film.  It must be because it's safe and you know no one will really be hurt (unless they really really deserve it) and the good guy will win, and there will be a few laughs and lots of moments where go awwwwww.   And then at end there will be a few more goofy, hap hap happy scenes as the credits go buy.

Steve Carr is the director and he seems to have perfected his comic timing on bad comedy films like Daddy Day Care, Are We Done Yet and Cedric the Entertainer.  .  There is a slick professional pacing to it all.  It makes no appologies, and Kevin James has a solid on-screen charisma. 

I'm less than proud about enjoying the movie.  I know it's not a good movie.  Not even close.  But I can't deny that the damn thing charmed me.  Ah, I won't beat myself up over it... it's only a movie, right?