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Marriage and how your spouse treats our children

 
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dolphin9600 Atlantic Beach, FL posts: 22
2009 Writer
posted on November 03, 2009 at 05:35PM Inappropriate? Quote Reply

We have been married 16 years and have a 13 yr old daughter and 9 yr old son. Our son does well in school, however, our daughter, who is in gifted/accelerated classes, struggles greatly. She brought home her report card today and I knew before hand what her grades were but her dad didn't and when I told him about them, he basically blew up and ended up asking our daughter if she was going to be a loser all her life! I wanted to cry for her, but instead I yelled at my husband, how could you talk to your own daughter that way? You aren't suppose to talk to your own children (or anyone else's for that matter) in that way! I can't believe how much hatred he has toward her. He treats her so differently from our son. He acts like our son is perfect and our daughter is not. I am so hurt and I told him that he should apologize to her, but he hasn't. so I told him that I won't start treating him with respect until he starts treating our daughter better than he has. Do you have any advice? I just want to cry for my daughter-but one good thing is that she doesn't act like it is bothering her. Guess I need a shoulder to cry on. Thanks for 'listening'.

2009 VIP
posted on November 03, 2009 at 06:16PM
 

If you and your husband disagree on this point so strongly, and it hurts you, then perhaps you should seek counseling to show him how serious you are about his behavior.  

But first you can try talking to him again in a less heated manner - when you aren't as upset.  Try to talk, not yell.  Maybe he just doesn't realize how he was being. If you can't work it out how to raise your daughter, it may drive a wedge between you which is where counseling can help.

Good luck!  Maybe someone else here has some other tactics regarding this.

2009 Reviewer
posted on November 05, 2009 at 11:35AM
 

When I met my husband, I already had five children from another marriage.  The husband I have now took everyone of them, even though he had never had one of his own.  There were alot of rocky spots, but one more child, and several years later, we are still one of the strongest families around.

2009 VIP
posted on November 05, 2009 at 12:52PM
 

It's bothering your daughter... it bothered me, and still to this day it annoys me that I didn't get an apology. I had to have at least a B- average in my honors classes, or I got berated regardless of my brother's grades and we were a lot closer in age then your kids. I hope you and your husband can work it out How you do it really depends on your relationship. Good luck

2009 VIP
posted on November 05, 2009 at 05:54PM
 

I agree with Pitcherday.  It probably is bothering her.  This actually reminds me of an episode of Supernanny I saw recently.  The husband came home and showed all kinds of love to his sons but didn't say a word to his teenage daughter except to ask her if she did her homework.

Supernanny convinced him to have a one-on-one with his daughter, as she usually does, and he learned how much his daughter really wanted his attention and love.

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