Madonna - Hard Candy Review

I picked up Madonna's newest release, Hard Candy, at Target last weekend.  I've been a fan since I was a little girl and own almost all of her CDs.  I loved Confessions on a Dancefloor and saw the Confessions Tour twice in 2006.  I had high hopes for this CD and I plan to get tickets for her Sticky & Sweet Tour this summer, so I wanted to know what to expect. 

After listening to the CD almost a dozen times, I must say that this CD isn't very good.  Most of the songs are mediocre and forgettable while some are downright unbelievable--as in not credible.  In "Candy Shop" Madonna sings "Don't pretend you're not hungry, there's plenty to eat, come on into my store 'cause my sugar is sweet."  1) Gross and 2) the whole Madonna/sex theme is old.  During "Heartbeat" she tells the listener that we can find her working up a sweat on the dance floor on any given night.  Yeah right.  She's asleep and resting up for her 4 hour workout the next morning.  While I'm on the subject of gross and things that are age-inappropriate, pretty much all of the images that accompany the CD made me roll my eyes.  We get a crotch shot on the front, a phallic stool on the back, and Madonna with stupid hair and in a leotard in the rest of them.  Been there, done that, and the whole thing just seems pathetic from a 50-year old.

To be fair, "4 Minutes" and "Miles Away" are really great and two songs that I have enjoyed immensely.  "4 Minutes" is a thumping, pounding, insistent, and energetic song that I like to crank up as loud as I dare as I drive around town in my convertible.  The lyrics aren't anything special but the whole spectacle that is this production is impressive and more in line with what you'd expect from Madonna.  "Miles Away" is probably the best song on the CD and that's because she does what works for her: singing well within her range limits and simple, elegant production that doesn't try to be hip or groundbreaking.  If I had to name a third good song on Hard Candy, I'd select "Beat Goes On" which is a funky disco tune with Kayne West rapping in the middle of it.

Aside from those three songs, the album is forgettable, desperate, and poorly produced.  It isn't deep, it isn't something that makes you want to dance, and there really is no message aside from the fact that Madonna is in denial about her age and wants very much to fit in with the rest of the crappy pop songs you hear on mainstream radio.  I don't recommend Hard Candy.