Holiday Discussions

Easter and Thanksgiving are with his family.  The main Christmas dinner is with my family.  Up until this past year I had 3 grandparents and a great-grandmother, so it has always been important to me to spend Christmas with them.  (I still have 2 grandmothers to spend time with this year.)

My sister does Christmas morning breakfast and for awhile we tried to sandwich a couple of hours with my husband's family in between that and dinner.  They live 30 minutes away and it just turned into this crazy, whirlwind, exhausting day, so last year we decided to spend Christmas Eve with them.  It worked out very well.

I'm glad to hear that plan worked out well for you because that's exactly what I want!  I think it makes more sense.  None of us are busy on Christmas Eve, and by doing it this way we will actually get MORE time with them, so hope they are happy about that.  

Christmas Day starts at my mom house around 12 and goes til whenever, but my sister and her family always have to leave around 5 or 6 to see her other side of the fam.  So last year we didn't get there until after 4 and it stunk because she was leaving right after we arrived practically.  

We have Christmas here and both sets of parents come here for a late afternoon dinner. Even though our house is the smallest, it is easier for them to travel here as we have 2 kids and a nap time to deal with. Christmas eve my m-i-l comes over and we go out to eat and then church and walk through town center. We usually go to my parents for new years day dinner. We have Thanksgiving here as well with my inlaws and Easter at my parents.

we used to try to do it all and see everyone and it made the holidays stressful. My whole extended family gets together every summer and we call it Christmas in July. We also have a get together in Dec, but not everyone can make it. My husband has no extended family here, which makes it easier but it would be fun if his family were around. 

I'm kind of fortunate in that we usually have only one place to go on the holidays, or people come to our house.  My in laws are all completely nuts so we don't have anything to do with them so we don't see them on the holidays or any other time of year for that matter.  And they don't celebrate any holidays so it's not a big deal to them to get together on a holiday.

My mom does most of the holidays or we host at our house or we go out.  Sometimes my cousin hosts an "afterglow" in the evening on Christmas day and we might go there but it's usually a last minute decision. 

When my brother was married we used to get roped into visiting with his wife's family (which I always disliked) but now that they're divorced holidays are much easier and less stressful.

Bugg, Now that is just strange for you to have to visit your brother's wives family.  That's a bit much.  

Both you and dovey seem to do a lot of the occasions at your own house.  While I do want to do Christmas Eve at my house, I don't want to have every occasion at my house just to make it easier.  On my side there are 13 or more people that show up for occasions.  On his side about 10.  We could never do all of them at once without it being difficult in my tiny house!  

Thanksgiving - everyone usually together (all in-laws in the same room!). My husband and I started this tradition a few years ago to avoid having so many different meals. Is it chaotic? Sure, but we're still altogether. As crazy as each family member can be, we all seem to make it work!

Christmas - Christmas Eve with my in-laws at their house, Christmas Day with my family.

Beyond that, it's pretty much just a first come, first serve sort of event. If my family requests Easter with them, we'll just celebrate Easter a week early with the in-laws. Not too bad, really.

Both of our families live in other states so we do not spend the Holidays with either of our families.

Angi, I'd rather have multiple meals then deal with everyone together :)  I think part of it is that there is a different atmosphere on both sides of the fam.  On my side, everyone is chatty, we play games, we stay up late in our pjs (when my aunt and uncle spend the night at my mom's, I stay late too).  Then on his side, they would be satisfied watching Beverly Hills Cop for the 1000th time and eating.  I think it would be strange to mix them together.

He asked everyone and His family is satisfied with Christmas Eve at our house (i think mostly because we are doing all the work!)  Which is great because now I can do Christmas all day at my mom's and not miss anybody or anything.

First come first serve wouldn't work out well for us, b/c my family is always way ahead on the planning :)  But my mom and I did talk about me doing Easter next year so we will probably see if his family can do something the day before instead.  But we aren't even going there yet - that's forever away!

AdventureQueen, it must be easier since you don't have to decide between families every holiday.  Do you miss them at the holidays?

I actually miss not having family to share with on the holidays.  A few years ago I moved away from my home state with my fiancee, leaving my children and their families behind.  We try to get back "home" every year to be with my kids and their families for Christmas, but we often find ourselves alone at Thanksgiving.  With just the 2 of us, a Thanksgiving feast often winds up going bad in the fridge, so we sometimes wind up "eating out" for Thanksgiving, which I find kinda sad.  We've tried to volunteer to serve others a couple of times at Thanksgiving, but didn't manage to do it early enough that we were needed.  This forum is a little nudge that it is something I need to look into SOON this year!

My wife and I didn't like the tug-of-war over whose home to visit for Thanksgiving, so we like to go off on our own and travel at that time. We've spent Thanksgiving in New York City, Virginia Beach, Cape May (NJ) and this year are thinking about Charleston, SC. We have done a big Thanksgiving at our home a couple times, and that was nice enough. But now we just prefer to run off on our own.

Now that my brothers' kids are all grown up, there's not much pressure to go anywhere for Christmas, either. It's a great day to stay at home and do stuff around the house, read and just relax.

--Bob

The holidays used to be bedlam because we had my parents and my whole family to see, my husband's parents and grandmother to see plus his daughter either alone or, later, her and her husband and son. Then it got worse as my mother got sick and was hospitalized for four years, his father had a stroke and went to the VA nursing home, my father moved to an apartment, his grandmother went to a nursing home, his daughter got married and had obligations. Ahh.

Then it got crazier when my mother passed on, my father was in a nursing home, his grandmother passed on, his father passed on, his mother was in a nursing home...

We used to see my family on Christmas eve and on Christmas, hop to nursing homes or whatever and see his daughter and her hubby and son after Christmas or after Christmas or a few days before.

When our families were intact, we saw his family on Christmas Eve and mine on Christmas Day and his daughter as well on Christmas eve.

NOW, my parents have passed on and so have my husband's. It will be the first Christmas that all of our parents will be gone as his mom passed away in June of this year. I guess we will try to see my remaining family on Christmas Eve and then just be together on Christmas Day. We usually see his daughter, her hubby, and son a day or to after because she had to juggle her own situations.

It's going to be odd not seeing ANY parents this year. It has been years since we didn't go to at least one if not three nursing homes at Christmastime.

I won't miss the nursing home visits in and of themselves but the people we visited will always be missed. It's just not the same anymore but we try to be as festive as we can with what family is left!

Lucky!  My husband works in retail so we can't travel during Nov-Jan.  We have a vaca in early Nov this year but he had to get all kinds of approval for it.  But even if we did travel, we'd probably still do thanksgiving somewhere.  In 2005 my mom and sis and I went to Chicago Thanksgiving weekend, but that was after our Thanksgiving holiday party at my aunts :)

I don't think of the holidays as pressure though, bc I do love seeing family over the holiday.  We just have to work it out so it makes us both happy.

Ok now that I googled "bedlam" I can respond :)

I think part of what used to make it easier in the past was that my aunts and uncles spouses didn't really have obligations to see "the other side" so it was pretty much a standard tradition that everyone would be at my grandparents for Christmas.  Then when my mom, aunt and uncles started taking over holidays, it once again became standard that we would all be there.  Things really didn't change til my sister got married and then I did because we both got into families that want to see us.

It's good that you see your kids a few days after because it frees up her christmas to see whoever she has to.  Before our marriages, my mom, dad, sis and I used to open presents every Christmas Eve.  Then obligations started and so now we get together a few days after.  Even though I see my parents and my sister's family on Christmas Day, we like having this separate smaller mini-gathering where we can spend more time just us.

I'm sure it will be a big change for you this year being the first year without all 4 of them.  Hopefully you can make the best of it and enjoy your family :)

*SIGH* We go EVERYWHERE. It never works out exactly the same every year, but we end up having like 4 Thanksgivings so we can make it to everyone. I know last year we had 6, yep 6, Christmases. We went to my parents, my grandmothers, his grandmothers, his moms, his dad and stepmoms and finally to his aunts house. It was alot easier before we had kids! I don't think anyone really cares if they see us or not they just want us to bring the girls over :) Luckily almost everyone is pretty flexible about when we do what, but its still alot to cram into 3 or 4 days. I wish we could come up with a better way to do things but at least this way our girls get to see family they don't see on a regular basis and no one gets their feelings hurt. :)

Holidays are really more enjoyable with families involved together.I love to spend christmas with my family and thanks giving with my in laws family.My kids really enjoys being with a big family and their loving grand parents.Families together comes up with all kind of innovative ideas of celebrations every year. : )

Teeny, that is kind of funny but true.  Before my sister had kids it was no big deal that she didn't see some of "his side" on Christmas day.  Soon as the kid was born, she just HAD to come to their Christmas party.  Haha.  So I guess I am preparing for that now by working it out now.  I can't stand waiting to see what happens, I would rather have a tradition so that is what I'm doing - new tradition is his side on Christmas Eve, my side on Christmas.  Everyone can keep that in mind and be happy!

Good thing you have flexible people, that makes all the difference.  Hey, why not just have EVERYONE over your house for Christmas.  I'm sure you love that idea :-D

Thanksgiving, my mother cooks and Christmas Eve is at my aunt's house. Christmas Day is spent with immediate family at my house and then we go to grandma and nana's houses and my fiance's rich aunt makes a huge dinner so we usually end the night there and then go home!

However, there is going to be a twist this year for Thanksgiving. We are going to Colorado to visit my fiance's dad...

It sounds like you have quite a few stops to make those days!  I am so used to having only 1 or 2 stops that I couldn't handle having to go to 3-4 places on Christmas.  I even got tired of having 2 places to go on Christmas which is why we moved his family to Christmas Eve.  Now I feel like we have all night christmas eve to see them and all day Christmas to see my family - no rushing in and out and about.  

As of now, we visit both families on Thanksgiving. One early dinner, one later dinner. Thankfully, we didn't have to ask for that to happen, it just worked out that way. Most of my family is out of state, so we hardly get to see them. :( My boyfriends family is mainly here in Ohio.

Christmas Eve we celebrate at my parents and we go to my boyfriend's on Christmas Day. Again, luck. My parents prefer celebrating on the Eve, his like Christmas Day. =D 

It isn't an issue for us. Three kids (one spouse) live in CA so we see them when we can though all kids will be here this Thanksgiving. My mom lives close by. One less hassle to deal with BUT we did have an issue with my daughter and son and law in terms of them sharing holidays with his family and hers. It seems it was lopsided..sigh. I think it's fixed though. And they like many will switch years of switch holidays, for ex. Christmas is more important to his family than Hanukkah is to ours but Passover is very important to us. Last year Easter and Passover were the same weekend.

We've solved the bedlum here in this house. We have Christmas and Thanksgiving here! I love to cook and bake and everyone brings a side or dessert. The families get together. Now that my daughter is married we've decided that every other Christmas I'll host and the off years will be done on Christmas Eve. This way the kids don't have to eat twice!