Colonoscopy Procedure Review

One of the issues Dr. Forbes and I had been batting around for a while was the colonoscopy she wanted me to have.  For some reason, I was terrified of the very idea of this procedure which involves passing a narrow flexible tube through the anal canal into the rectum and then advancing it through the entire colon to check for possible cancer or other problems.  There are brave stalwart types who will claim that a colonoscopy is "nothing" which may be difficult to believe.  Now let me tell you that, speaking from a coward's standpoint, a colonoscopy isn't fun but isn't half as bad as you expect and it has been a lifesaver for many people so Dr. Forbes listened sympathetically to my fearful protests, then wrote a prescription for the test and told me to have it done.  As I left, I waffled about a bit and told her that "it might take me a while to work up my nerve" to make the appointment, to which she responded that I should just do it without thinking about it too much -- sound advice which I should have harkened to.  As it was, I came home and stuffed the prescription down into my special drawer of things which I can't afford to lose.

The Lonesome Road

The colonoscopy loomed ahead of me like an iceberg lurking out there in the sea of "Someday".  Sometimes I even had nightmares about it.  It didn't help that among my holiday mail was a festive looking newsletter mentioning that one of my friends had nearly died from a perforation suffered during a routine colonoscopy.  As the dark winter months closed in, I felt like that guy in "The Ancient Mariner" ... the one who walks the lonesome road in fear and dread and "having once turned round walks on, and turns no more his head because he knows a frightful fiend doth close behind him tread."  Only because I had promised Dr. Forbes did I finally dig out the prescription and make an appointment.

Melting Fear Away

Have you ever noticed how travelers on a plane seem to cheer up at the sight of the pilot striding aboard and into the cockpit?  This guy always seems experienced, confident and enthusiastic -- one look at him tends to inspire trust and confidence, you just know that everything will be okay.  Well, that's the effect that Dr. Allen Rosenbaum has on frightened people.  I may have been worried but he wasn't, indeed he was so cheerful and optimistic that the sunlight of his personality seemed to melt my fear away.  Patiently, he answered questions and admitted that sometimes perforations do occur in these tests but never in one which he had performed and he had done thousands of them.  He told me about the test and said that the "Prep" would probably be the worst part. 

The Prep

Various products can be used to cleanse the entire intestinal tract, which is necessary for the test to be done.  The more thorough the "prep", the safer the test will be.  Dr. Rosenbaum's option was Trilyte (PEG 3350 Electrolyte SOLN KRE), a white granulated mixture which comes packed dry in an otherwise empty four-litre jug available at CVS for only $8 under the Caremark CVS Prescription plan.  (You also receive a small flavoring packet -- don't agonize too much over your choice of flavor because whatever you choose, it won't taste like that.)

When mixed with four liters of water the day before the colonoscopy and properly chilled, Trilyte will taste not unpleasant but slightly medicinal to be gulped down in swigs about ten minutes apart, starting early in the evening before and saving one liter for the morning of the test.  Cancel any plans you might have had for hot air balloon rides -- or even elevator rides or taking out the garbage -- because Trilyte is designed to have a laxative effect which will hopefully leave you feeling more than a little "washed out" in the most literal sense.  Instructions are to consume only clear liquids during the day with nothing taken after midnight before the test.  Several hours before leaving for the hospital, drink down the last liter of Trilyte.  If you have guessed that the "prep" isn't fun, you're right but this part isn't as bad as you think it will be either.  For me, the taste wasn't unbearable and there was no nausea or cramping.

Fuzzy and Fascinated

Forty-five minutes before the test, I surrendered myself to MacNeal Hospital (Berwyn, Illinois) and the attentions of my home girls, nurses Denise, Marisol, Loretta and Eileen who worked hard and displayed a lot of patience and compassion on my behalf.  Just before the test, I was slipped a dose of what I call the "Happy-Happy" sedation before Dr. Rosenbaum began.  I am here to tell you that this guy is GOOD, a regular virtuoso -- Harry Potter and his magic wand have nothing on Dr. Rosenbaum and his magic endoscope. 

I actually don't remember them turning me on my side or beginning but rather waking up a little while later, feeling all cozy and fuzzy and fascinated by the screen next to me which was displaying a virtual tour of the intricately detailed arched hallways, vaulted ceilings and descending and ascending passways of a place I had never seen before -- the inside of my colon.  Although I could feel the progress of the test, there was no pain or unpleasantness

After the Ball was Over

About an hour later, I was dressed and on my feet, still feeling cozy and fuzzy, grinning foolishly and clutching my gift bottle of water as my good friend Cathy signed me out and guided me down to where her chariot awaited in the parking lot.  (No, they are not going to let you leave alone, even in a taxicab.)  Not only was I still feeling the effects of the "Happy-Happy" but also the exuberance that came from realizing that I had stopped walking in fear and dread, turned around and faced down the frightful fiend -- and discovered that it wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be.

My ViewPoint:

I know what you are thinking -- that it is easy for me to be cheerful and practical about my colonoscopy procedure because the news was good -- nothing but one small polyp which turned out to be benign.  Ah, but what if they had found serious problems or cancer to be fought?  What then?  Well, what then would have been that alone in the privacy of my own home, I would have indulged in some self-pity, crying, and wondering "Why me?"  Then I would have got over it and done whatever my doctor ordered because some people just seem to inspire confidence and trust -- and Dr. Allen Rosenbaum is one of those people.

Note:

Dr. Rosenbaum's address is:

Allen Rosenbaum, M.D., 3340 S. Oak Park Avenue, Suite 304, Berwyn, IL 60402