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Age gracefully or fight until the bitter end?

 
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PattyTherre The heart of , NY posts: 1181
2009 VIP
posted on August 29, 2008 at 02:23AM Inappropriate? Quote Reply
I admit, I have no intention of aging gracefully. I will never be seen with a full head of gray hair and I will continue to try everything to keep myself looking as youthful as possible. Now, I don't mean I will go under the knife and look like Joan Rivers because I don't believe in elective surgery (Why chance death unless you have to?) but I'm all for fighting aging with everything I can.

What about you? Are you happy in your aging skin and not worried about wrinkles and other signs of aging? Or are you one who wants to stay as youthful looking as possible for as long as possible?

I have 80 year old aunts who look 60 and have no gray hair, barely any wrinkles, and dress like they did when they were much younger. I want to be like them! I'm gonna fight father time with both fists!

My anti aging secrets aren't really secret. I use Alpha Hydroxy products and good skin care and I exercise. If I see gray roots, I zap those suckers as fast as possible with root dye. I try to stay up on trends and wear youthful (but not ridiculously under-aged) clothing.

Fighting or letting age do its thing?
replies: 51 latest post: December 07, 2009 at 09:38AM by Jo
2009 VIP
posted on August 29, 2008 at 07:17AM
 
I'm going to just let age do its thing.  I don't have the time, energy, or interest in trying to keep myself looking younger than I am.
2009 VIP
posted on August 29, 2008 at 10:00AM
 
I'm pretty low maintenance, but I'm also lucky that I have good genes from my both sides of my family tree.   I've found that I can keep up with my skin, hair, and cosmetics in a regimen that doesn't take a lot of time or money.  I won't spend hours in a salon or at a spa, nor am I likely to spend $80 on an ounce of face cream.  But, I do have an excellent skin care routine that works for me, most of which can be purchased inexpensively at the drugstore.  So, I guess I'm not fighting age nor am I letting myself go.  I'm somewhere in the middle.
2009 Advisor
posted on August 29, 2008 at 11:15AM
 
I, too was blessed with good genes in that dept. I should exercise more, and probably will, but, other than that, I won't worry about it much just do what I want.
2009 VIP
posted on August 29, 2008 at 01:40PM
 
In response to MikeMaroon's post from August 29 2008 11:15AM
MikeMaroon said…
I, too was blessed with good genes in that dept. I should exercise more, and probably will, but, other than that, I won't worry about it much just do what I want.
And that will keep you young. Worry is the worst thing for those who want to mainatin their youthfulness. I am not as worried about my looks (although I am not one who would be comfortable looking older than I am) as I am with my inner youth. I want to walk tall and never hump over and shuffle like so many older people do and I want to keep my mind sharp. And yes, I also want to look nice as the years pass.

I have good genes, thankfully, but one BAD gene I inherited was anxiety and worry. That will age a person faster than anything. I am trying to chill and do yoga and other things to stop myself from the chronic "what ifs" that go in my head. That would be the best thing I could do to have a more youthful outlook.
2009 VIP
posted on August 30, 2008 at 03:25PM
 

I tend to pay very little attention to my looks, which may embarrass my kids as they grow older.

After working as a cancer nurse since 1993, I've come to look at people from the inside out. A woman lying in a hospital bed with no hair, no breasts, and hooked up to multiple machines to me is so beautiful as she musters the strength to hug her child and ask about how her child's day has been. The older gentleman who quietly asks me the date and then slips away to the next world with a smile on his lips shows the world such grace and beauty that no product can produce.

I don't wear make-up. Most of my clothes don't fit well because I've changed weight so much over the years with pregnancies and diet changes. I don't wear jewelry because earrings break me out and the baby breaks any necklaces I've worn. We're strapped financially with multiple health-related expenses for chronic conditions, so second hand stuff is like a new treat for me. For now, I'll just look for the beauty in others and perhaps that inner beauty will rub off on me.

2008 VIP
posted on August 30, 2008 at 03:57PM
 
I'm a fighter - you can tell how I don't even let trucks mess with my looks. I just keep getting up and dusting myself off and put my Harley boots on as any beauty expert would. ;>
2009 VIP
posted on August 30, 2008 at 04:25PM
 
I've been trying to eat better things and keep up with exercising, use Lancome face cleaner and moisturizers and for certain errands or excursions I break out the make-up arsenal but I've got to tell you that I don't worry too much about looking older.  My hair changed color so early in my life that I don't associate it with getting older.  I've reached the point in my life where I have a better perspective about things and I hope that 20 years ago from now when people remember me, they will recall more the things I said and did than whether I had wrinkles.  But I must add that for those of you who are really serious about looking as good as possible, God Bless and I say that without sarcasm.  I greatly appreciate beautiful people and it may be true to a certain extent that "Beauty is its own excuse for being."
2009 VIP
posted on August 30, 2008 at 06:23PM
 
I give myself a smile sticker if I get out the door in time with all my clothes actually on and my hair combed. I always shower and wash my hair. Go me! Matching my clothes, make up, and jewelry may or may not get done and may or may not be done well. I want to look nice, but I'll cut corners on beauty in favor of the boys and/or my students. I should mop my floor too this weekend, but . . . I figure some things can wait and some can't. My life is a juggling act, so I really don't have time to think about my age and could miss my birthday if others did not remind me of the date.  
2009 VIP
posted on August 30, 2008 at 06:33PM
 

Katrena, that is such a beautiful outlook. I could never do what you do. I don't see suffering and death as anything but terrifying and watching my mother especially fight the way she did, then my dad, I know I could never do what you do on a daily basis. I am so grateful for people like you.

George, just wear Harley stuff and you'll be hot forever. ;) 

Anna, you are so young at heart and so beautiful! You take great care of yourself and have the spirit of someone who will always be youthful.

Cyndi, your beauty is from the inside out - plus you're a hot mama whether you try to be or not!

Outside looks really are the least of all of our problems, I know. I still feel better about myself when I look my best. It may be a self esteem thing. I was an ugly duckling as a kid and never felt attractive or even cute. I didn't even know how to look good when I was young. Now, with my older sister as my guide (She's 61, had a brain aneurysm and a mild stroke, and looks no more than 48 at the most), I see that looking good can make you feel good. It sure helped my sister bounce back! She had the aneurysm in October of last year and was all dressed up in full make up and matching jewelry on Thanksgiving of that same year and went out to dinner! She had only been released from the hospital a few days before.

I have a lot of health issues and have gotten tired of being told how sickly I look or how pale I am or asked if I feel all right. I started exercising to try to find my inner glow and not look so frail. Now, I feel better about myself and no one is asking me if I am OK anymore. That's a good feeling! I think I equate good health with looking healthy and looking healthy with looking young and vital.

I guess whatever keeps you going is the right thing! 

2009 VIP
posted on August 30, 2008 at 07:20PM
 

I agree Patty. If something feels right, then that's probably the thing to do. That inner voice. I think is is important. Mine tells me to spend more time on myself - when I have time. Well, that might be the inner slave driver. I don't cut myself much slack.  

I am certain you were never an ugly ducking. Maybe you felt that way. But, you're a great person inside and out. If anyone did not see that, it was their loss. Way back and now.

In terms of fighting age, I am trying to eat better. I do need to drop some pounds, and the doc said my cholesterol is not so great. Working on it. Really hard. That neon sign at BoJangles just calls my name.

I do understand that desire to look nice. My Grandma really cared about that. I would help get her lipstick and such if someone was coming to the hospital. I thought she was lovely without it, but she felt prettier with it. No argument here. Where the heck is the lipstick?  

2009 VIP
posted on August 30, 2008 at 11:22PM
 

Patty,

Actually I only work at the hospital about 2-3 days per month now. With three little ones, I'm finding it better for me to teach online nurse aide classes while keeping my foot firmly planted in the hospital's door. It's a big kick in the paycheck, though.

There's a program called "Look Good...Feel Better" that is geared toward helping people to look their best because it often makes them feel so much better. I enjoy helping my patients look and feel their best, even when it's far from ideal circumstances for them. It sounds like you've already discovered that philosophy.

One of the hardest jobs is being a family member of someone who is sick. You can't take away the pain. You can't fix things. You have many conflicting priorities. Combine that with grief and fatigue. I can punch a time clock. Family members can't. I admire the family members. I did not have the chance to see my dad suffer or take his last breath--the hospital called our family after he was in the morgue. He would have probably wanted it that way, but the daughter and nurse in me wanted to be there. But for now I'm just trying to be what I need to be for those around me. But sometimes I don't do a great job of that...maybe I ought to wear a little lipstick!

I've never met you in person, but what I see of you in your writing is a beautiful, full-of-life, hard-working, fun lady. I bet you and your sister have a lot in common. I read a recent article in Guideposts called "Slap on a Little Lipstick." Here's the URL: http://www.guidepostsmag.com/search/?i=2232

2009 VIP
posted on August 31, 2008 at 01:22PM
 
Fighting, fighting, fighting even with a scalpel:)
2009 VIP
posted on September 01, 2008 at 03:23PM
 

Oh me, I am a hit or miss. I have a couple of little things that bother me, like a gray hair or two, so of course my hair has to be colored or highlighted, but other than trying to eat healthier, I am lucky if my curly colored hair gets gelled and my face get's moisturized.  That's about all I care about the skin and hair. I just want to be clean and tidy when I walk out the door.

 Course, Cyndi mentions lipstick, as I was told from a very early age.... no self respecting Southern woman would leave the house without it.  I admit, every time I leave I put it on in the car.  I am lucky I guess I have good skin and can get away most days with that and not much else except to make sure my bra is snapped and my zipper zipped!  I am lucky to get the girls out the door let alone myself. 

posted on September 11, 2008 at 01:44AM
 
I just came upon this site and have reading everyone's comments.  I have to say, it is so encouraging to hear such up beat posts.  I am 45 years old and starting to show signs of aging.  It is becoming a reality to me now.  I know we are our own worst critics but knowing that doesn't make you not see those fine lines and dark circles.  Most people tell me that I don't look my age and always have but at this point in my life I wonder if I would have been able to keep a better handle on it had I started paying attention a little sooner.  I am shopping for the right skin care for me but so far nothing really does what they say it does so I'm very reluctant to spend a lot of money without a real testimony.  Any suggestions ladies???
posted on October 01, 2008 at 01:21AM
 
Sadly it doesn't matter just how much we try to fight it old age will eventually come & we will have to deal with it the best we can. Does that mean I am not going to try & do whatever I can to slow it down some? Heck no LOL. I am already trying to fight the wrinkles with some Mary Kay products I bought LOL. It works really well. At least I am not seeing any real wrinkles just yet & people I meet are always telling me just how young I look, so I guess it must be working LOL.
2009 Writer
posted on November 02, 2008 at 11:39PM
 
In response to PattyTherre's post from August 29 2008 01:40PM
PattyTherre said…
I have good genes, thankfully, but one BAD gene I inherited was anxiety and worry. That will age a person faster than anything. I am trying to chill and do yoga and other things to stop myself from the chronic "what ifs" that go in my head. That would be the best thing I could do to have a more youthful outlook.
      

I know the feeling! I worry about everything and it's a big deal with my husband. I guess I have one of those type 'A' personalities. However, my skin is pretty decent though I still get the occasional breakout. But of course, I'm constantly looking at my face making sure I'm not getting wrinkles or acne - and I'm only 24! As for the aging thing - I don't plan to go down without a fight! I'm already using some firming and anti-aging creams along with my regular skin care regimen. I know I'll probably never undergo any cosmetic proceedure including Botox (botulism, anyone?) but I will slather on the skin creams, eat well, and exercise to help keep Father Time at bay! I never thought I'd care or even think about an anti-aging regimen, but as the years go by I think about it more often. They say that the sooner you use these products the more likely they are to prevent lots of sagging and wrinkles. Might as well do it now than wait until it's too late!
2009 VIP
posted on November 03, 2008 at 01:09AM
 
The sun is your enemy as far as wrinkles go. You should get some sun for Vitamin D but only 15-20 minutes a day and you can wear sunscreen on your face and let your arms, legs, etc. soak up the rays.

The one thing that is 100% proven is, that if you sunbathed and tanned a lot in your 20's, you will have an older looking 40's.

I am 44 and, while I did love the sun, I live in NY so we don't get a lot of sunny days. I stopped sunbathing years ago. But I wonder if I had been more careful, would my skin be even better than it is? I am lucky so far but every day, I expect to wake up and look 70.

And young people, if you're trying to ward off premature aging, remember your neck and hands. They age as fast or faster than your face. Some women have great faces but their hands show their age or their necks are wrinkled.

Can you tell that I wrote an anti aging column for many months? lol. I did a lot of research into the best products and the best ways to look your best at any age. I don't want to look YOUNG, I want to look the best I can for my age. It gets tougher by the year.
2009 VIP
posted on November 03, 2008 at 07:45AM
 
I wish I could grow old gracefully. I once wrote an essay commenting on my handsome husband and his distiquished wrinkles. Me? No way. I've had "work" done. It's expensive so I doubt I will have anything done until I'm 60 - 3+ years away but there is no way if I get to be 85 I will look 85. My friend once said there's nothing you can do about your hands but I moisturize and really it's the face I look at in the mirror. Jo FIGHTING
2009 VIP
posted on November 03, 2008 at 11:42AM
 
In response to PattyTherre's post from August 29 2008 02:23AM

I'm with you on this patty.  No surgery, but maybe a little hair die.  I also believe in taking care of yourself more and more as you get older.  At 20, you may stay in great shape after a 1 mile walk.  At 30, you gotta start jogging!  At 40, you better be running if you want to keep looking good.

I have seen stars that look good well into thier 60s and they don't appear to have had surgery.  Yes they have wrinkles, but they look natural and they still look good.  I firmly believe that if you work hard to take care of yourself, you don't have to be like those old ladies that look like they are 80 when they are 60.  I'm gonna try at least :)

2009 VIP
posted on November 03, 2008 at 03:02PM
 
I couldn't see myself ever having surgery, but I use every face cream I can find! Also, I ALWAYS wear sunglasses when I'm outside. Also SUN SCREEN when I'm in the sun. Those women that sunbath all the time look so old when they age.
2009 VIP
posted on November 03, 2008 at 03:17PM
 

Yes jasyjen, they look awful!  When I was in the Bahamas there were some women who looked so dark and looked like their skin was leather - yet they still laid out.  I am anti tanning, if I get some sun naturally while swimming or playing outside, that's alright (long as I have sunscreen), but I'll NEVER lay out for the purpose of tanning.  My skin says softer and younger because of it :)

2009 Advisor
posted on November 03, 2008 at 07:10PM
 

I would never, ever have plastic surgery. I'll live with what God gave me. I've always taken care of my skin. When I turned 30, I started to think more about what products I needed to use on my skin. I don't have any wrinkles or anything like that right now. The woman in my family look younger than they really are including me. I guess that is a good thing, but I still take care of my skin. Nobody should count on just a youthful family genes. It will catch up with you sooner or later. 

I always wear makeup with SPF in it, wear lotions/moisturizers daily, eat right, and exercise as much as I can. I am a strong believer in sunscreen. I never sunbathed when I was younger because of my (very) fair skin. If I'm ever out in the sun, I always have to wear sunscreen no matter how long I'm out in it.

2009 Writer
posted on March 19, 2009 at 12:36AM
 

I am a grandmother of three but I refuse to look like a granny! Aging gracefully is the art of changing what you can, and accepting what you cannot.

I can change habits, diet, skincare, and hair color. I cannot change my nose, chin, or my basic look. Unless I have surgery, and I also refuse to do that.

My son- in-laws friends tell him all the time, if I'm ever alone to have him call them lol! I laugh, my daughter thinks it's sick! Apparently I still got it ---thanks Clairol!

2009 Advisor
posted on March 21, 2009 at 08:10PM
 
well, i want to fight it, but i am more concerned with my kids and finances right now. I went to the derm. for a consult on juvaderm, but i never did it. I am blessed with a great figure and i have thick hair that only has a few grays(which i do color!) but i have very fair dry skin that requires lots of care. I also feel i have bags under my eyes. I really don't feel comfortable with the idea of risking my health for surgery. I have 2 little kids that need me. I do exercise and eat pretty well. If they developed a treatment for eye bags that didn't involve anesthesia, i would do it...
2009 VIP
posted on March 21, 2009 at 11:46PM
 
I wouldn't have invasive surgery because of the risks. I don't even have needed surgery unless I HAVE to. Look at Usher's wife. Very rich and having a "simple" lipo thing done and she nearly died. She went into cardiac and respiratory arrest. No thank you! If I had the extra money, I might look into a filler for my forehead area but I believe the steps I am taking - good skin care, not baking in the sun, exercise, not smoking or drinking - all help. Good genes help but good skin care can't hurt! Oh, and I will always have dark hair. My aunts ALL have their original hair color in their 80's and I had no idea they colored their hair until a few years ago. Duh. lol. EDIT: I, too, have an issue with my eye area. Mostly it's dark circles. If there was a treatment that didn't involve surgery, I would definitely do it. I hate my eye area!
posted on October 03, 2009 at 08:55AM
 
In response to Katrena's post from August 30 2008 03:25PM

I'm striving for  the kind of beauty that you have. I realize vanity is my curse. However, as I get older I realize how important it is to take care of oneself physically,(& mentally, which of course affects physical beauty).

I've been in many hospitals in the last 2 years, as I've had 3 family members with cancer & 2 that had strokes. I will say that I've noticed many selfless nurses that, if possible, need to carve out a little more time to take care of themselves, i.e., don't smoke & exercise. Nurses are such angels,but they need care too!

2009 Advisor
posted on October 03, 2009 at 01:43PM
 

I am now 50 and am never afraid to reveal my age.  At the risk of sounding vane, I cannot stand grey hair on me and have been coloring mine religiously for at least 20 years here at home.  Someday, I'd like to get one in a salon and maybe even a manicure, but for now home is fine. 

I'm in pretty good shape, tall and svelt (uhh mmmm, not skinny lol) and I like myself this way.  I have very thick hair, which at my age is a good thing.  I have to thin/layer it every 6-8 weeks.  I tried to go all summer without thinning and I looked like an I-don't-know-what, freaky hippie I guess lol.  So I thinned it 2 weeks ago, and it feels much better and alot cooler.  I don't know why I went all summer in this heat without doing it, I just wanted to let the layers grow out and they looked like crap to me. 

I always concentrate on posture, I think it's very important not to slouch.  I use a moisturizer every day, and I think I must have inherited dark eye circles because I've had those for at least 20 years so I need to use my concealer more (that tip comes from Patty too).  I don't leave home without my lippy ;)  So that's a southern thing?  I never knew that, I learn something new every day.  Sometimes I wear blush when I'm feeling sassy ;) I don't care for base makeup or eye makeup at all.  I used to wear full makeup when I was younger to make myself look older. 

I quit drinking long ago but I still smoke, and am now, I think, starting to look my age.  It seems to be catching up with me.  Those of you who don't smoke, you are VERY lucky...I'm a nervous nelly but that's no excuse.  There is no good excuse, even when I tell folks "it's my last bad habit".  I have one goal right now...to quit smoking for my New Year's Resolution.  If I can do it one day at a time, like my old drinking habit, I know I can do anything.  I certainly don't want to be hooked up to tubes and a breathing machine, and the way I'm headed...it's just a scary thought.

I eat alot and I try to eat well.  I get exercise nearly every day, either weights with my 50 lb. pup that I have to carry in and out, and/or in my garden.  You'll never see me jogging, I like to walk at a fast pace though.  I ran track, swam and roller skated as a youth, and quit skating when I was 30 due to a scary fall I had when I cracked my sternum.   I still love to swim, and I keep vowing to get back to skating, only with mega pads on lol. 

I'm fairly muscular, I think, for my low weight.  We tanned in the old school days in the 70's, but I learned early to stop that.  I'm quite fair so I always use sunscreen.  I'm learning more about how to not be embarassed by dressing my actual size, instead of wearing larger clothes to hide myself.  That's going to take some time and courage.  And then I'm going to have my husband take a recent picture of me to post as my avatar. Ya'll hold me to it, OK?  My avatar is from when I was 35~!

;) 

 

2009 Advisor
posted on October 03, 2009 at 05:03PM
 
In response to Katrena's post from August 30 2008 03:25PM
Katrena, You are already beautiful. From the inside out. Doing what you do, you help others feel good. You are there for them in there deepest moments, like you said about the gentlemen, had a smile. That was because of you! It takes a GREAT person to do what you do. I don't think I could handle it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, everyone is beautiful. True Beauty comes from within and don't forget that. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL KATRENA! I APPLAUD YOU!
2009 Advisor
posted on October 03, 2009 at 05:33PM
 

I say I will stay with what God gave me. The only thing I will change is my NATURAL highlights...ha ha ha. They are barely there from what I can see, maybe I need to wear my glasses and I'll see more.  :)  I do moisturize my face soon as I wash it. The best time to do so is the first 2 minutes after washing your face. So I'll stick with that. I do like to walk, look at the beautiful scenery. In the spring and fall, with all the new colors popping up or changing. Surgery is out of the question I agree with all who feel the same way. It's just not worth the risk. Has anyone seen that one woman they call CAT WOMAN? or the one who is trying to look like BARBIE? It looks so fake. And if they do it to make themselves feel better about themselves, it's not working otherwise they wouldn't be going through so many surgeries.

Katrena, if there wasn't a woman like you around, I wouldn't be around. Caring nurses, who put there heart and soul into their careers really makes a difference! The one who worked on me worked so darn hard, like it was the last thing she was going to let happen was for me to pass away. I could feel it, and see it in her eyes. Still to this day I want to find out who she is and give her a hug. I think her name was Jill. I want to thank her!

And Nancy I could call you a couple of names...ha ha...having to thin your hair out...B***H......My hair is baby fine, I buy little kiddie pony tail things to put in my hair. Always been thin, maybe that's why I say when I grow up....lol...

2009 Advisor
posted on October 03, 2009 at 06:33PM
 

I will be glad to send you the next handful that I cut off Darlyn dear.  I'm not sure why it's that way.  yeah B---H  is my hair alright...My sisters and I used to get in hair pulling fights and they always won. They had the biggest handfuls of my hair in their fists haha. 

Actually, when I do thin/layer it, it goes straight into my compost bin.  It's good for las plantas ;)

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