Autos Discussions

Jockeying the two lanes on the interstate to prevent people from passing.

If you live in government house, aka as my tax dollars, stop spending my money on 20-22" rims for your former police car.  Try buying clothes for your kids.

The incessant desire to place your large vehicle between two people on two seperate motorcycles.

The great need of cell phone users to tailgate motorcyclists.

Pulling out of side roads or from intersections with stop signs and stop lights while on-coming motorcyclists have the right-of-way IS NOT COOL!  We are small but cannot stop on a dime.

In Rhode Island:

If the light turns yellow, it means speed up!

25 mph speed limit in residential neighborhoods is really just a suggestion. If you are late and avoiding the traveled roads, 45 or 50 mph is fine.

In Texas:

Feel free to enter interstate highway traffic at 30-35 mph and take two minutes to get up to the posted speed limit. people should slam on their brakes and slow down to accomodate you.

Don't know what highway exit is yours? Drive down the highway at 40 mph with your right turn signal on. The universal indicator of someone too cheap to print out a MapQuest.

Did you miss your exit? Drive backward in the breakdown lane until you get to your former destination.

Oh, no! Got off the wrong exit? Go backward up the exit ramp to get back on the highway.

Too much traffic? That's what they made the grassy median for! (Side note: people started wildfires driving on dry grass in the median this way all the time. Now traffic has to be re-routed so all the fire equipment can take over the highway and douse the flames).

In Iowa:

No turn signals needed.

The striped arms and lights at all of the RR Crossings are probably malfunctioning. Jam on your brakes and slow down to 10 mph at all of them. (No, it's not a law and I am talking about passenger vehicles, not buses and the like)

The lights and arms are working? Definitely go as fast as you can to try and get past them and beat the oncoming freight train! (This one especially applies to 18 wheel tractor trailer trucks)

In Utah:

If someone is going 60 mph on the highway, drive in the left lane right next to them at 62 mph for miles and miles, creating a moving roadblock. I didn't have anywhere to go, anyway.

In Massachusetts:

The yield signs at the rotaries (turnabouts, traffic circles), are decorations. Slam on the gas and cross your fingers.

Turn your right blinkers on and then make a left hand turn.

I've travelled all over the states and I think all those rules are pretty universal!  For some reason people feel invincible in their vehicle!  All those fatal accidents every single day happen to someone else!

1. I'm glad you understand that the blinkers on your car are for decoration only, never to be used.  Why in the world would you want to signal the other drivers your intentions????  You are a d@#$ man of mystery after all!  AND, they love having the impression of a steering wheel permanently engraved into their right cheek from slamming on the brakes when you, without warning, suddenly shift to their lane, a mere 1/4 car length ahead of them!

2. Oh, and that 8 feet between me and the tractor trailer ahead of me on the parking lot known as I-24?  That's reserved for YOUR RV!!!  Oh yeah, you DID realize that!!

3. And which driver's handbook did you read before taking the driver's license test that explained what freeway entrance ramps are for?  Mine did not say, like yours so obviously did, that you are supposed to get to the exact point where the expressway and the ramp first meet and stop.  Can you say, "merge" boys and girls?  Sure you can't!

4.  Let's see, there are 4 lanes and the speed limit is 65.  I see you've discovered the far left lane is for YOU and YOU alone to drive 60.  We're erecting the sign dedicating that lane to you tomorrow, or the next day...

5. In this day and age of inexpensive GPS devices for your auto, it's nice to see you still old schooling it and driving with a Rand McNally splayed open across the steering wheel!  Don't let that new fangled technology change you, buddy!

6. Oh, and please, please, what ever you do, don't let anyone tell YOU you gotta tie down the loose crap you are hauling to the dump in your 1993 Ranger!  I LOVE collecting your garbage on my windshield!!!

7.  Remember what you learned from the movie Starman.  Red means stop.  Green means go. Yellow means go very, very fast!

8.  Oh and I love it so much when you are in SUCH a hurry you just have  pull out right in front of me and make me hit the breaks just so you can drive 10MPH below the speed limit!!

Criteeker said…

Mike?  I loved Starman!  LOL  Oh and a little boo-boo...cars have brakes not breaks.

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Oh, I beg to differ!  Most of the cars driven by the people we've been talking about here have BOTH!

Criteeker said…

MikeMaroon said…

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Oh, I beg to differ!  Most of the cars driven by the people we've been talking about here have BOTH!

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LOL Ummm nice try, but no!  "...pull out right in front of me and make me hit the breaks"

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Ok, look.  I tried to be light hearted about it.  I made a mistake.  Fine.  Making that big a deal out of something like that won't win friends and influence people. :)

The curb is reserved for those with cell phones stuck to their ears while driving. lol!

"If you're gonna drive like an idiot, stay home and play a (driving) video game."